We are very proud to announce that Anne Shade will be a guest on our panel of authors at our Residence 11 Desire Summit East in Jersey City, NJ, April 13-14th.

What inspires you to write?

What inspires me to write is the passion for sharing engaging, realistic fictional stories of love that reflect women like me. To share stories that show that it’s possible for a queer woman of color to have their own happily ever after, no matter what their sexual orientation or identity are.

What elements make a book compelling?

The first element is obviously the story. Before any reader gets to know the characters, they need to be drawn in by the story itself. The blurb/synopsis/summary is the reader’s introduction to a book and needs to be compelling enough to pique their interest. Once they’re drawn in by the story then the characters are the next element to keeping and holding a reader’s interest. Compelling stories need equally compelling characters that will help carry the story an author is trying to tell.

How do you approach sex in a story?

Unless it’s an erotic story, sex is usually a catalyst to move the characters’ romance to the next phase. I approach it slowly and with care so as not to overwhelm the story I’m trying to tell. I compare it to starting a meal with something light and refreshing then adding more spice and flavor with each dish that follows until your taste buds and senses are overwhelmed with pleasure from the meal leaving you pleasantly full and satisfied.

What advice would you give to others looking to write erotica?

I would advise them to take the time to figure out what they want their story to say. Erotica isn’t just about the sex. Even characters in erotica need to be compelling enough to keep the reader interested in the story outside of the sex. In my opinion, books solely focused on sex scene after sex scene with no real story to carry it is porn, but books telling a story that include sexy and sensual elements that help move the story along is erotica. I would also advise choosing your words and descriptions carefully. Flowery prose doesn’t work well with erotic stories but on the other hand, vulgarity can turn a reader off. You have to find a fine line between the two. Lastly, make sure that the scenes are realistic. Don’t put your characters into any positions or moves that would take a professional contortionist to do…unless your character is a professional contortionist then, by all means, twist them into a pretzel to your heart’s content.

The post Exclusive Residence 11 Interview with Anne Shade, Queer Author of Sapphic Fiction appeared first on Residence 11.

Dr. J will be hosting our romance author panel where she will be leading discussions with some of your favorite romance and erotica writers, Lucy Eden, Anne Shade, Kristina Forest and Alexis Daria. You won’t want to miss this great conversation! Be sure to click here for more info and tickets, and follow Dr. J on social media to stay up to date with all of her latest projects.

What inspires you to write?

I draw writing inspiration from everyday life muses. I find a thought, an idea, a moment, or an interaction that I can blow life into. While I do this now, it wouldn’t be happening without my former students. They are my ultimate inspiration. When I retired from the college classroom ten years ago, my students suggested I write and continue teaching. As I started with erotica, I found that writing for arousal was a powerful element personally in my experience with menopause. Writing what I wanted provided me with the *more* for psychological stimulation. Scientific research has proven make erotica serves as a non-chemical prescription for desire, arousal, lubrication, and orgasm. Now, I write for others using educational words wrapped in story form. They are powerful, and that helps me stay inspired.

What elements make a book compelling?

For me, a book is compelling when the author writes in such a way as to connect with the reader. I love to use brain science and understand the mechanisms that connect the reader to the story. Also, a huge part of a compelling story is heart. If heart isn’t in the story, it can’t move the reader. As we read stories, our brain anticipates what comes next. We feel the emotions provided in the story. With the different feelings, the reader’s brain lights up, allowing them to have the experience the character is having. The more I understand the fundamental aspects of the craft of writing, the more excited I get and the more I learn how to make stories more compelling.

How do you approach sex in a story?

I approach sex in the story from a holistic perspective. Everything that I use about sexuality sits within the meaning of it, past, present, and future. Meaning drives sex. The intimate actions characters take physically embody the emotion or meaning.

My approach to writing is like my career in sexuality work: holistic and interdisciplinary. As a story begins, a writer must anchor a thread for sex. This is so important to me; I wrote a book about it. The Fiction Writer’s Sexuality Guide: Sex-It’s More Than a Scene comes out May 28, 2024. I offer a new paradigm for thinking about sexuality in writing. It’s not about pulling sex off the shelf and putting it here— the “sex scene”, like a discrete event. Sexuality is with us all the time, and we can activate how we use it in writing and our lives. If one understands the importance of a character’s sexual history, the author’s sex-positive stance ensures that what they write is “factually accurate and fictionally realistic,” with clarity in the meaning of sex, one can write sex in a new way with a broad and specific brush. 

What advice would you give to others looking to write erotica?

My advice for those wanting to write erotica is to write for yourself first, then write for a reader. And understand those are two different writing processes. When you write for yourself, you are an audience of one. Writing for others means tapping into the craft that gives the story oomph. Note that even in erotica, a story has a beginning, middle, and end. As an editor, I always want the author’s creative voice to shine through. While elements will come from the writer’s life, as an author, you are crafting a story about characters separate from you. You, the author, must know details about them to take us on their sexual journey. And for me, that journey, not the destination, is the fun part.

The post Dr. Donna Jennings, AKA Dr.J, Talks Crafting Steamy Stories appeared first on Residence 11.

Raskin will be speaking at R11 Desire Summit on Intimacy & Relationships, which will take place on April 13th & 14th in Jersey City, NJ. We caught up with her before the event to discuss her advice of balancing love with personal mental health journeys.

How can you navigate a romantic relationship when you have anxiety, OCD or depression?

Each relationship and mental health journey is different but there are some common themes that can be helpful. The first is having self-compassion. No one asks to deal with these things and judging yourself for them isn’t going to be productive. The next piece is doing your best to understand how your specific brain works so that you can explain it to your partner. It’s likely that you operate differently than them, and you can’t expect someone to anticipate your needs or know how to best support you if you don’t tell them. Finally, I think you have to be really mindful about your partner selection. You want to make sure you are with someone who takes mentally health seriously—even if they aren’t as well-versed about it as you. You should look for a partner with a high capacity for empathy and patience. A great sense of humor doesn’t hurt either since sometimes all we can do is laugh about how our brains work. 

How should you talk to a partner or potential partner about your mental health issues?

It’s helpful to share from a place of, “Since we are getting to know each other, here is a part of my personal history and daily life” rather than sharing out of fear. You don’t have to tell everything all at once and you don’t have to keep sharing if the other person isn’t receiving it well. How they respond is important information about what type of person they are and if you are even compatible. These are also conversations you want to have in a nice calm atmosphere rather than at a loud bar. The less judgment and anxiety you have around the information, the better because your energy around the topic is as important as the information itself. 

How can you cope when a mental health issue is impacting your sex life?

Taking the time to assure your partner that any issue in your sex life is not a reflection of your relationship but is instead a personal mental health issue is huge. You don’t want them to start to take it personally. It’s also important to confront the problem head on. This can mean anything from returning to regular therapy, seeing a sex therapist with a partner or reintroducing coping skills that have fallen by the wayside like exercise. Much like regular life, our sex lives have ups and downs but you don’t want to sink into the down for too long if sex is important to you and your relationship. 

What advice would you give to people with mental health challenges that want thriving relationships?

Oftentimes the work we have done to better ourselves makes us even better partners than people who have never had to contend with mental health struggles. You are just as worthy of love as anyone else and you probably already have a lot of the tools to nurture it. 

The post Allison Raskin Opens Up About Romantic Relationships When You Have anxiety, OCD or Depression appeared first on Residence 11.

Danielle creates content about creating a relationship, career, and life that is unique to her and her family. Her content often discusses alternative relationship styles (including non-monogamy), non-traditional schooling (homeschooling), and unconventional approaches to travel, income generation, and lifestyle. She encourages her 130k followers across social media to create a life on their terms, not dictated by tradition or society, and to respect the life choices of others. Danielle will be speaking on Opening Up Your Relationship.

We caught up with Danielle before the event and asked her some questions in order to offer our readers a sneak peek at some of the topics she will be covering in her discussions. Be sure to keep following on our social media sites for all the up to date content and follow Danielle for more lifestyle tips that can guide you to your most authentic life. Tickets on sale now for Residence 11 Desire Summit, in Jersey City, NJ.

How did you decide to open up your marriage?

My now husband, Rich, first broached the topic of non-monogamy about two months into our relationship. It was a novel idea for both of us; neither of us had ever been in a non-monogamous or polyamorous relationship before. We met, and it was love at first sight! We had only been dating a few months before we knew the life we could build together would be incredible. However, We were both still in our 20s and felt we needed more time to be ready to close off the possibility of exploring other connections. Having both witnessed the devastating impact of affairs in other relationships, Rich proposed non-monogamy as a means to “affair-proof” our relationship. 

We spent the first two years of our relationship reading books together, including The Ethical Slut. We talked to other couples who were also in polyamorous relationships, which was surprisingly hard to find in 2010! We had a threesome and went to a swingers club. Each step was deliberate, allowing us to craft a relationship that felt uniquely strong and supportive. Figuring out our rules for our relationship became an adventure together, ultimately providing a solid foundation for years to come.  

What rules did you establish to make it go well?

While there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to opening up a relationship, establishing clear boundaries was crucial for us. Initially, our rules revolved around communication, with specific guidelines on when and what to share with each other about our encounters with others. For me, seeking “permission” from Rich before exploring anything with someone else eased societal guilt. However, I only wanted to know who he saw 48 hours after something happened. I found that my imagination was often worse than reality. I preferred the facts after they happened versus imagining what could happen when he was with someone else.

Over time, as our communication deepened, our rules evolved. Today, they’re much more flexible, a testament to our years of trust-building and open dialogue. My advice to couples embarking on a similar journey is to start with a simple framework: ask yourselves the how, what, where, when, and why of your relationship dynamics, and let your rules grow organically from there.

What made you want to talk about this on TikTok, and how is it going?

In February 2022, I initially set out to start a blog sharing recommendations and stories from our open relationship. However, it was my husband’s idea to venture into TikTok. My first three videos went viral, and I had 30,000 followers within a week! During the first six months, my husband created content with me. However, the internet is not a kind place. With social media fame came its own set of challenges. Negative comments and hurtful assumptions about our relationship dynamics became all too common. Commenters often called me brainwashed and gaslighted and my husband a manipulator.

In response, we established our own rules for sharing our journey online. While my husband now prefers to remain behind the scenes, I respect his privacy by never sharing his stories without his consent. Despite the negativity (I’ve developed a thick skin to comments!), my TikTok journey has been rewarding, allowing me to connect with a community of like-minded individuals and share our experiences with those new to non-monogamy. 

What advice would you give to others looking to pursue open relationships?

My first advice is to figure out your rules for a relationship that will work for you rather than trying to fit into a specific relationship category. 

My foremost advice is to prioritize defining your relationship rules rather than conforming to predefined categories. While labels like monogamy, polyamory, or swinging can provide a sense of identity, they shouldn’t dictate the dynamics of your relationship from the outset. Instead, draw inspiration from various relationship styles, taking bits and pieces that resonate with you and your partner(s) to craft something unique and authentic. There’s no right or wrong way to navigate an open relationship; the key is ensuring everyone involved feels comfortable and empowered to explore new dynamics together.

The post Exclusive Residence 11 Interview with Danielle from Openly Committed appeared first on Residence 11.

In addition to her powerful educational projects, Lola is the creative director of the  Spectrum Journal, an online magazine offshoot of the female-owned online sex shop Spectrum Boutique, on the advisory board for the Youth Sexpert Program, and has brought her unique brand of sex-positive sex education to brands such as Shag in Williamsburg BK, B-Vibe, Freya, Womanizer, and Spencers Gifts.

We are very proud to share the great news that Dirty Lola will be in-person with us,  speaking at R11 Desire Summit East, which will take place on April 13th & 14th in Jersey City, NJ. We were lucky enough to catch up with her  before the event to discuss her expertise in the world of pleasure and sex toys.

What’s it like to work in a sex shop? What are your favorite things and your least favorite things about working in these shops? 

Even though we’re selling pleasure, a lot of working in a sex shop is like working in any other retail job. We have to provide good customer service, restock products, and keep the shop looking good, but there are parts of the job you don’t deal with in a straight retail job. On any given day, I may be helping someone step back into pleasure after a traumatic event, navigate the changes that come with aging or after illness, replenish their collection after a breakup, or purchase their first sex toy. It can be a very emotional job. I’ve laughed, cried alongside, and celebrated with customers. That’s what I love most about working in a sex shop, the people. I have the immense privilege of guiding people through all facets of life, and I don’t take that lightly. 

My least favorite things about working in a sex shop are the prank calls and occasional harassment. It comes with the territory, and sometimes it’s scary. I’m just thankful we can block numbers. 

What are the most popular sex toys these days, and why are they so popular?

Usually, when a sex toy is popular, it’s because it was mentioned in a magazine or it’s gone viral online like the rose. Whenever we get a lot of people asking about a specific product, it never fails that it made some “Best Toy” list. 

What are people’s biggest challenges when shopping for sex toys, and how do they overcome these issues?

The biggest issue most folks have is thinking that you can choose a sex toy like you choose a new microwave. Best is relative in the sex toy world. What is the best product for one person might absolutely suck for another. There are so many things to consider when purchasing a new sex toy, and that’s where I come in. When you look at a shelf of rabbit toys and see twelve of the same thing, I see twelve distinctly different products and how each of them provides a different pleasure experience.  

What are your favorite toys?

In my personal toy rotation, I currently have the Magic Wand Rechargeable, LeWand Feel My Power, Womanizer`Next, Dame Dip, and Spectrum Essentials Compact. I’m a big fan of clitoral stimulation. 

Be sure to follow Dirty Lola and Residence 11 on social media sites to catch all the latest sexy updates and programs offered. Tickets for the Summit are on sale now! Enjoy live performances, deep dive talks with experts in various fields of sexuality and intimacy, give aways and much more at our R11 Desire Summit on Intimacy & Relationships .

The post Exclusive Residence 11 Interview with Award-Winning Sex Edutainer, Dirty Lola appeared first on Residence 11.

On April 13th and 14th, Residence 11 has the great pleasure of hosting the Desire Summit East, our second in-person and virtual event, to bring together the site’s sex-positive, open-minded community with internationally renowned speakers and experts from the most influential sex-themed podcasts, TV shows, blogs, and best-selling romance and erotica books. Held at Sip Studios in Jersey City, NJ,  the intimate event will include two full days of audience participation, free-flowing discussion, and thought-provoking conversations on some of the most stimulating, taboo, and talked-about issues related to sex, relationships, pleasure, and intimacy. 

Join us for 2 days of interactive sessions that will challenge your assumptions and get clarity on your deepest desires. We’ll have over a dozen diverse authors, experts, and entertainers across psychology, physical intimacy, technology innovation, kink, open relationships, dating, marriage, sexual health, music, comedy, and narrative storytelling.

What Exactly Can Guests Expect During Attendance?

We have put together an inspiring panel of discussions and thought-provoking experiences by some of our experts that guests will have the chance to engage with and network with like minded individuals. Along with stimulating discussions and demonstrations, we are happy to announce we’ll be gifting out some very fun swag bags that you won’t to miss out on, all of which are being curated by one of our favorite sexperts Dirty Lola!

Workshops and Topics for Desire East 2024

• Entertaining Open Relationships & Evolving as a Couple
• Technology & Tools to find Pleasure
• Letting Go of Shame & Pain
• Experimenting with BDSM
• Improving your Quality of Relationships
• Ink and Intimacy: Crafting Erotic Poetry Verse with Depth
• Keeping it Hot, Understanding How to Get There Mutually
• Sexy Lingerie for Every Body Type
• Trying Total Transparency
• Guided Meditation & How to Heal at Home
• Using Erotica to Improve your Sex Life
• Destigmatizing the Sex Industry

Get your tickets here!

Check out Highlights From Our First Desire Summit in LA !

Who Will Be Speaking This Year?

We are proud to announce the list of speakers we will have joining us live, in no particular order, Dirty Lola, Molly Roden Winter, Samanta Cole, JRose, Danielle from Openly Committed, Maitland Ward, Lasara Fireforx Allen, Effy Blue (via live broadcast), Kristina Forest, Lucy Eden, Anne Shade, Dr. J (Donna Jennings, Phd.), Allison Raskin, Olivia “Troy” Troy, Alexis Daria, Angela Sharp, and Lily Desmond.

Want to Get More Involved?

Our goal is to showcase vendors, makers, and artisans across sexual pleasure and wellness. We are in the process of reaching out to vendors. If you are a vendor, maker, or artist or know someone who would be interested in sponsoring or hosting a table at the event, please contact info@residence11.com.

The post Residence 11 Brings Desire Summit to Jersey City April 13 & 14 appeared first on Residence 11.

We caught up with Maitland before the event to discuss overcoming the stigma of working in porn and how working in the sex industry can empower women to become the titans of their industry that they should be.

What are the biggest stigmas in the sex industry and how are professionals overcoming these?

A huge stigma is that adult performers (most especially women) are in the industry for one of the following reasons: they are crazy, on drugs, have suffered horrific sexual abuse, their families hate them or they can’t do anything else. There is rarely a conversation in which a woman is empowered by selling her sexuality and society in general has extraordinary trouble recognizing and embracing a sex worker’s success. This is not to say the issues I mentioned aren’t very real and important but they in no way run parallel to having an adult career. These issues are issues everywhere and are more and more being recognized and given voice. It is not the adult industry where they are used to degrade or humiliate.

It especially angers me knowing that the hard working people in the industry have to constantly defend and explain themselves for doing the work that they choose and love. So many hide behind a curtain of shame, which includes lying about their profession, hiding behind fake names and being truly fearful of both physical and financial retaliation. I always try to be as public and open about my journey as I can. Being a public and positive voice and influence is important to me. I want to show people that we can be vocal and proud. I’ve been given a unique stage as a Hollywood actress and now an actress in porn to show the adult industry to the world at large using a different lens. 

How did porn liberate you from Hollywood?

I’ve never been one to be told I can’t do something and sit with that comfortably. And I was told for so long by Hollywood that I was only allowed to check one box as an actress and play one type of role. My personal exploration in the world of sex work and eventually adult film making has allowed me to step outside a box Hollywood had long ago locked. Now I get to play such different, provocative roles. I love that. I am completely untamed. 

How can working in the sex industry be empowering for women?

The fact that we own our sexuality both in a broader sense and a literal sense is the of the most important things we can do as women. To find freedom as women with our sexuality in history has been rare, and it’s one of the last frontiers for women that has remained taboo and shackled. To be free sexually is to be unowned and truly liberated. The amount of success and money women can achieve in this industry has never been greater, and with the rise of platforms like OnlyFans women have never had more control of a thing that history and men have always controlled. The only thing that is stopping us from going all the way forward is the scare tactic of taboo. 

What advice would you give to those looking to make a career out of adult entertainment?

First, grow your social media and find an audience you connect with. That will be vital for any porn company of merit to work with you. They need to know you have interest and a following. It doesn’t have to be huge but it’s important to have your own solid base. Working with big companies will then allow you to start and grow your Onlyfans or other platform. A strong base there will give you financial freedom and then you can carve out the career path you want and have financial freedom for a long time to come. 

You won’t want to miss out on hearing Maitland speak in person on these topics and more. Keep up to date with her latest work and events by following Maitalnd Ward Baxter on her Instagram and X accounts, and be sure to check out  Residence 11 on our social media sites to catch all the latest updates and programs offered. Tickets on sale now! Enjoy live performances, deep dive talks with experts in various fields of intimacy, give aways and much more at our R11 Desire Summit on Intimacy & Relationships .

The post Maitland Ward on Overcoming the Stigma of Porn & How Working in the Sex Industry Can Empower Women appeared first on Residence 11.

Firefox Allen will be speaking at our in-person event R11 Desire Summit on Intimacy & Relationships, which will take place on April 13th & 14th in Jersey City, NJ. You won’t want to miss this talk and the many others we have lined up!

We caught up with them before the event to discuss how someone can start reclaiming sexuality after menopause, staying open and embracing the changes instead of fighting them and much more.

How can you reclaim your sexuality after menopause?

While the answer to this question is ultimately going to be unique to each person experiencing menopause, there are a few things that can really help any of us get more grounded in our sexuality post-menopause. One thing we can do is to engage with our sexuality in whatever ways feel accessible, fun, enticing, and stimulating. When I was in the process of recovering my libido after a long spell of feeling very distanced from it, I read steamy romances, I read tons of menopause-specific and sexuality-focused self-help books, and I invited my spouse to start watching every interesting documentary on human sexuality that we could find with me, as well as some sexy and educational reality TV. 

We found that we particularly enjoyed the Netflix shows How to Build a Sex Room and Principles of Pleasure, and Planet Sex with Cara Delevingne on Hulu. And, watching those shows gave us the opportunity to open up conversations on topics that had been languishing for a while. These conversations ranged from light-hearted to very deep, and they really gave us a chance to get into a more curious place regarding our shared sexuality. 

Another foundational but often overlooked element is making sure that one’s health–physical, emotional, and mental, are dialed in. And, in particular, making sure that one’s sexual anatomy is feeling happy, healthy, and ready for sexual play. There are many things that can help us in this, from exercise, to estrogen, to pelvic floor physical therapy. Once again, what each post-menopausal or perimenopausal person may need is going to be unique. 

And, across the board, knowing your options is incredibly empowering for most. Which is where education and coaching support and finding a good doctor come in. 

What does it mean to jailbreak the goddess and how can post menopausal women achieve this?

The concept of the Maiden/Mother/Crone aspects of the Goddess in Pagan and New Age theology and spirituality tie female divinity to reproductive capacity. From this frame, our reproductive capacity defines who we are. My book, Jailbreaking the Goddess, is about finding expression as a face of the feminal divine, outside of biological essentialism and biological predestination. 

In my experience, and the experience of those I have taught and coached during the menopause experience, the process of menstrual changes–from pre-menarche to post-menopause–are only an aspect of our lives. They are not the only defining factor. And, the end of menstruation, for most of us, does not mean the end of the creative drive. Just because we are no longer fertile doesn’t mean that we are no longer vital. 

These changes can be empowering, rather than solely seen through the lens of loss. I invite folx who are in the menopausal process to ask themselves; what is alive for me in this change? What are the gifts that are being offered to me at this time? What is the texture of the transformation I’m experiencing? 

How does tapping into feminist spirituality help guide you to your identity?

Well, for me, tapping into feminist spirituality allowed me to find my way to my identity as a trans, gender-nonconforming, nonbinary person. When we get aligned with a sense of spiritual and feminist empowerment, I believe we begin getting closer to our true nature, and letting go of the confines that society places on us. 

An interesting aside; as a nonbinary person, menopause was so liberating on one level. I hadn’t even realized how dysphoric my period had made me for decades. I experienced feeling hijacked by my system each and every time I got my period. Finally being free of PMS/PMDD, and no longer having to bleed, made me feel more fully myself than I had felt since menarche.

I know this sense of dysphoria is not the experience of every person who menstruates, which is why I ask; what is the experience bringing for you? What are you feeling? What are you losing? What are you gaining? And where do you need and want more resources? 

What advice do you have for postmenopausal people looking to embrace their sexuality?

First, find a way to prioritize your sexuality. Make time to relearn what your body wants, what it needs, how it works in this new phase of life. Consume media that heats you up, and also media that engages your mind and leads you to a more empowered space. As I said earlier, find a good doctor who knows how to work with menopause, because most have little to no training in the challenges and possibilities of this time of life. 

And, if finding your way back to your sexual self is a high priority for you, I really recommend finding a menopause coach or menopause doula to work with. They will know how to help you to engage in your process, address what needs to be addressed, and ground into your desires. Not just sexually, but all the desires that are opening up to you in this new phase of your experience. 

Be sure to tune in and follow Lasara Firefox Allen and Residence 11 on social media sites to catch all the latest updates and programs offered. Tickets for the Summit are on sale now! Enjoy live performances, deep dive talks with experts in various fields of intimacy, give aways and much more at our R11 Desire Summit on Intimacy & Relationships .

The post Lasara Firefox Allen on Reclaiming Sexuality After Menopause appeared first on Residence 11.

JRose stands is the winner of various poetry slams including, the 2023 BRIC Brooklyn Grand Slam Finals, Nuyorican Poets Cafe Slam, Rockland Poets Slam, and the Poetic Affair Slam. A testament to her lyrical talent, she is the charismatic host of the Nuyorican Poets Cafe Monday Night Slam at the prestigious Bowery Poetry Club.

JRose is a cast member of the Poetry Brothel and a revered Poetry Society of New York Program Committee member. Her artistic collaborations with industry giants such as Samsung, Boost Mobile, Dish Network, NYPD, Urban Stages, Poets & Writers Inc., and The New York Liberty reflect her ability to merge the realms of poetry and corporate allure seamlessly.

Beyond the spotlight, JRose extends her poetic grace as a freelance Teaching Artist and Mentor, sharing the magic of Spoken Words with eager minds. She has taught people of all ages in various US cities, including weekly programs in Rikers Island, where she works with incarcerated youths. Her visionary spirit radiates as she fearlessly claims her space and, in doing so, creates sanctuaries for others to express themselves authentically. A beacon of inspiration cutting through societal norms, JRose invites people from all walks of life to embrace their voices and narratives.

We are pleased to announce that J Rose will be speaking at R11 Desire Summit on Intimacy & Relationships, which will take place on April 13th & 14th in Jersey City, NJ. We were lucky enough to catch up with her  before the event to discuss her work and her approach to writing..

How did you get into erotic poetry?

When I started exploring social media with my poetry, I connected with poets that wrote sensual/erotic poetry. I had no idea there was a whole genre around erotic poetry. I’ve read “sex books” in the past like Zane, but never knew it could be written as poetry as well. So I started dabbling in it and quickly realized I really liked expressing myself with this style of writing. 

What is your process like, what inspires you to write?

I don’t write as often as I’d like. It sort of hits me randomly and then I can’t stop for a few days. Then I stop for weeks sometimes. It takes me about 2-3 months to finish a performance piece. Ever since I stepped foot on the stage, my writing became for the stage. This is why it takes time to finish writing a piece. Life inspires me. Everything I go through as a soul having a human experience. 

How do you think erotic writing empowers women? 

Erotic poetry is empowering for women because we get to own our sexuality on our terms. As women, society sexualizes us before we even understand what sexuality is. And when we embrace it, society shuns us until society wants to exploit it for their own gain. As an erotic writer, I get to express my sexuality in my own creative way, when I want to and where I want to. Nobody can tell me how to write what I want to write. 

Can you talk about how you bring performance into your work and how that adds to the writing?

Performance plays a big part in my work. I am a performance Poet aka Spoken Word Artist. Bringing a theatrical element to my writing makes it easier for others to connect with it. They can hear every word how I wrote it. Knowing that an audience will be listening to my poems, makes me more aware of the verbiage, cadence and context I write in. 

What advice would you give to others looking to pursue erotica writing?

As far as the writing aspect, try to be as creative as possible. You can use the typical sexual language to express yourself but always consider a good mix of metaphors and symbolism. Everything doesn’t have to sound like a play by play of a porno. Push your pen and imagination. Go for it! Be free and have fun!

Be sure to tune in and follow JRose and Residence 11 on social media sites to catch all the latest updates and programs offered. Tickets on sale now! Enjoy live performances, deep dive talks with experts in various fields of intimacy, give aways and much more at our R11 Desire Summit on Intimacy & Relationships .

The post JRose Talks Erotic poetry, Empowerment & Performance appeared first on Residence 11.

Roughly 15 years ago, Molly Roden Winter, wife and mother of two young boys in Park Slope, Brooklyn, knew she wanted more. More of what, she wasn’t exactly sure until a chance encounter with a friend of a friend asked her on a date. When she mentioned it to her husband, he suggested she accept, which she did. That was a decision that changed the couple’s lives and lead to Winter getting More out of life.

We are excited to announce that Molly Roden Winter will be one of our guest speakers at R11 Desire Summit on Intimacy & Relationships, which will take place on April 13th & 14th 2024 in Jersey City, NJ. You’re not going to want to miss this great experience to share space with  modern relationship experts, performers, and Romance and Erotica authors share their experiences and insights!

We caught up with Molly to discuss her new book and her ask her about her experience with an open marriage. 

Our Residence 11 Exclusive Q & A with Molly Roden Winter

Why did you decide to open up your marriage?

Opening my marriage didn’t exactly feel like a decision. What really happened is that, having given so much of my being to marriage and to motherhood, I reached a breaking point. I needed to reclaim myself. And sexual freedom was the form this reclamation took.

What did this kind of freedom allow you to do?

Sexual freedom helped me to get to know my own deepest self, a person that existed outside the roles of “wife” and “mother.” The idea that living things need space makes sense to most of us in the abstract. We know that for a houseplant to flourish, it requires a pot large enough to give its roots room to develop. Animals do not thrive in captivity. People are the same, and we need to create space within our relationships, especially marriage, so that we can continue to feel free. 

In his Letters to a Young Poet, Rainer Maria Rilke aptly describes how this might look: “The point of marriage is not to…[tear] down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude.” Was opening our marriage the only way Stewart and I could guard one another’s solitude, the only way I could find the space I needed for self-discovery? Of course not. But my experience confirms the words of Audre Lorde: “The erotic is the nurturer… of all our deepest knowledge.”

Were there any setbacks or challenges to this arrangement as a married mother?

Everything is harder when you have young kids and time is a finite resource. One widely held belief in our culture is that mothers should prioritize time with their children over everything else. But the good old “oxygen mask” analogy is worth repeating here. If a mother doesn’t care for herself, she can’t take care of her children. Furthermore, mothers are often expected to lop off pieces of themselves—particularly their sexuality—in order to fit into society’s Mom Suit. It’s a belief I once held, too. 

And I can’t speak to every mother’s experience, but speaking for myself, I think my kids benefited from my taking time to nurture my own personhood. I have sons, and as they grow into adulthood (they’re now 22 and 19), I think they will be better partners because they know their mother is a whole person. They also know that they’re not going to shock me when something real is going on in their lives. I haven’t sanitized myself for them, so they don’t have to sanitize themselves for me. I value the authenticity that has arisen in our relationship because I refused to be a two-dimensional mom from central casting rather than a three-dimensional person. 

What advice would you give to others looking to open their marriages?

I have a few pieces of advice. First, decide if you really want to try. Non-monogamy is not a quick fix for a failing relationship—it’s more like relationship boot camp. It will not be easy. Buckle your seatbelts and take it slow. Is one partner more enthusiastic than the other about opening up? A good rule of thumb is that the person with the greatest trepidation goes first—and sets the pace.

Second, be ready to hone your communication skills. One saying in the poly community is that  “swingers have sex without talking; poly folk talk without having sex.” It’s true that polyamory requires a great deal of communication, honest introspection and compassion for yourself as as well as your partners. If communication isn’t your strong suit, you may want to consider developing your skill set with a couple’s therapist. 

Third, make friends with jealousy. The Ethical Slut, long considered the Bible of polyamory, says this: “Jealousy is often the mask worn by the most difficult inner conflict you have going on right now.” For me, jealousy was a mask for my own insecurity, my fear that I would lose my husband’s love, and a desire for more attention. Instead of burying my needs as I used to, I now express them freely—and my husband can help me hold them. 

Finally, stay curious about yourself. Notice what feels good. Be willing to dig underneath the things that are challenging. Regardless of the particulars of your life, it is out of awareness that self-discovery happens. As my mother tells me in MORE, “Everything that happens in life is an opportunity to learn about yourself. Don’t waste this opportunity.”

The post Molly Roden Winter Talks Open Marriage and the Importance of Freedom appeared first on Residence 11.