Lasara Firefox Allen is back! One of our favorite Residence 11 guest speakers and contributors is back to share with us once again. If you aren’t already familiar with Lasara’s extensive work, check out our first interview with them here. Lasara (they/them/their) is the well known, best selling author of Sexy Witch and Jailbreaking the Goddess: A Radical Revisioning of Feminist Spirituality. In addition to writing, Lasara is an educator, facilitator, coach, and activist. They have offered workshops and retreats on a variety of topics including relationships, sexuality, parenting/family dynamics, and spirituality.
Firefox Allen will be speaking at our in-person event R11 Desire Summit on Intimacy & Relationships, which will take place on April 13th & 14th in Jersey City, NJ. You won’t want to miss this talk and the many others we have lined up!
We caught up with them before the event to discuss how someone can start reclaiming sexuality after menopause, staying open and embracing the changes instead of fighting them and much more.
How can you reclaim your sexuality after menopause?
While the answer to this question is ultimately going to be unique to each person experiencing menopause, there are a few things that can really help any of us get more grounded in our sexuality post-menopause. One thing we can do is to engage with our sexuality in whatever ways feel accessible, fun, enticing, and stimulating. When I was in the process of recovering my libido after a long spell of feeling very distanced from it, I read steamy romances, I read tons of menopause-specific and sexuality-focused self-help books, and I invited my spouse to start watching every interesting documentary on human sexuality that we could find with me, as well as some sexy and educational reality TV.
We found that we particularly enjoyed the Netflix shows How to Build a Sex Room and Principles of Pleasure, and Planet Sex with Cara Delevingne on Hulu. And, watching those shows gave us the opportunity to open up conversations on topics that had been languishing for a while. These conversations ranged from light-hearted to very deep, and they really gave us a chance to get into a more curious place regarding our shared sexuality.
Another foundational but often overlooked element is making sure that one’s health–physical, emotional, and mental, are dialed in. And, in particular, making sure that one’s sexual anatomy is feeling happy, healthy, and ready for sexual play. There are many things that can help us in this, from exercise, to estrogen, to pelvic floor physical therapy. Once again, what each post-menopausal or perimenopausal person may need is going to be unique.
And, across the board, knowing your options is incredibly empowering for most. Which is where education and coaching support and finding a good doctor come in.
What does it mean to jailbreak the goddess and how can post menopausal women achieve this?
The concept of the Maiden/Mother/Crone aspects of the Goddess in Pagan and New Age theology and spirituality tie female divinity to reproductive capacity. From this frame, our reproductive capacity defines who we are. My book, Jailbreaking the Goddess, is about finding expression as a face of the feminal divine, outside of biological essentialism and biological predestination.
In my experience, and the experience of those I have taught and coached during the menopause experience, the process of menstrual changes–from pre-menarche to post-menopause–are only an aspect of our lives. They are not the only defining factor. And, the end of menstruation, for most of us, does not mean the end of the creative drive. Just because we are no longer fertile doesn’t mean that we are no longer vital.
These changes can be empowering, rather than solely seen through the lens of loss. I invite folx who are in the menopausal process to ask themselves; what is alive for me in this change? What are the gifts that are being offered to me at this time? What is the texture of the transformation I’m experiencing?
How does tapping into feminist spirituality help guide you to your identity?
Well, for me, tapping into feminist spirituality allowed me to find my way to my identity as a trans, gender-nonconforming, nonbinary person. When we get aligned with a sense of spiritual and feminist empowerment, I believe we begin getting closer to our true nature, and letting go of the confines that society places on us.
An interesting aside; as a nonbinary person, menopause was so liberating on one level. I hadn’t even realized how dysphoric my period had made me for decades. I experienced feeling hijacked by my system each and every time I got my period. Finally being free of PMS/PMDD, and no longer having to bleed, made me feel more fully myself than I had felt since menarche.
I know this sense of dysphoria is not the experience of every person who menstruates, which is why I ask; what is the experience bringing for you? What are you feeling? What are you losing? What are you gaining? And where do you need and want more resources?
What advice do you have for postmenopausal people looking to embrace their sexuality?
First, find a way to prioritize your sexuality. Make time to relearn what your body wants, what it needs, how it works in this new phase of life. Consume media that heats you up, and also media that engages your mind and leads you to a more empowered space. As I said earlier, find a good doctor who knows how to work with menopause, because most have little to no training in the challenges and possibilities of this time of life.
And, if finding your way back to your sexual self is a high priority for you, I really recommend finding a menopause coach or menopause doula to work with. They will know how to help you to engage in your process, address what needs to be addressed, and ground into your desires. Not just sexually, but all the desires that are opening up to you in this new phase of your experience.
Be sure to tune in and follow Lasara Firefox Allen and Residence 11 on social media sites to catch all the latest updates and programs offered. Tickets for the Summit are on sale now! Enjoy live performances, deep dive talks with experts in various fields of intimacy, give aways and much more at our R11 Desire Summit on Intimacy & Relationships .