The Residence 11 team is honored to announce that Danielle from Openly Committed will be a guest speakers at the R11 Desire Summit on Intimacy & Relationships, which will take place on April 13th & 14th in Jersey City, NJ!
Danielle creates content about creating a relationship, career, and life that is unique to her and her family. Her content often discusses alternative relationship styles (including non-monogamy), non-traditional schooling (homeschooling), and unconventional approaches to travel, income generation, and lifestyle. She encourages her 130k followers across social media to create a life on their terms, not dictated by tradition or society, and to respect the life choices of others. Danielle will be speaking on Opening Up Your Relationship.
We caught up with Danielle before the event and asked her some questions in order to offer our readers a sneak peek at some of the topics she will be covering in her discussions. Be sure to keep following on our social media sites for all the up to date content and follow Danielle for more lifestyle tips that can guide you to your most authentic life. Tickets on sale now for Residence 11 Desire Summit, in Jersey City, NJ.
How did you decide to open up your marriage?
My now husband, Rich, first broached the topic of non-monogamy about two months into our relationship. It was a novel idea for both of us; neither of us had ever been in a non-monogamous or polyamorous relationship before. We met, and it was love at first sight! We had only been dating a few months before we knew the life we could build together would be incredible. However, We were both still in our 20s and felt we needed more time to be ready to close off the possibility of exploring other connections. Having both witnessed the devastating impact of affairs in other relationships, Rich proposed non-monogamy as a means to “affair-proof” our relationship.
We spent the first two years of our relationship reading books together, including The Ethical Slut. We talked to other couples who were also in polyamorous relationships, which was surprisingly hard to find in 2010! We had a threesome and went to a swingers club. Each step was deliberate, allowing us to craft a relationship that felt uniquely strong and supportive. Figuring out our rules for our relationship became an adventure together, ultimately providing a solid foundation for years to come.
What rules did you establish to make it go well?
While there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to opening up a relationship, establishing clear boundaries was crucial for us. Initially, our rules revolved around communication, with specific guidelines on when and what to share with each other about our encounters with others. For me, seeking “permission” from Rich before exploring anything with someone else eased societal guilt. However, I only wanted to know who he saw 48 hours after something happened. I found that my imagination was often worse than reality. I preferred the facts after they happened versus imagining what could happen when he was with someone else.
Over time, as our communication deepened, our rules evolved. Today, they’re much more flexible, a testament to our years of trust-building and open dialogue. My advice to couples embarking on a similar journey is to start with a simple framework: ask yourselves the how, what, where, when, and why of your relationship dynamics, and let your rules grow organically from there.
What made you want to talk about this on TikTok, and how is it going?
In February 2022, I initially set out to start a blog sharing recommendations and stories from our open relationship. However, it was my husband’s idea to venture into TikTok. My first three videos went viral, and I had 30,000 followers within a week! During the first six months, my husband created content with me. However, the internet is not a kind place. With social media fame came its own set of challenges. Negative comments and hurtful assumptions about our relationship dynamics became all too common. Commenters often called me brainwashed and gaslighted and my husband a manipulator.
In response, we established our own rules for sharing our journey online. While my husband now prefers to remain behind the scenes, I respect his privacy by never sharing his stories without his consent. Despite the negativity (I’ve developed a thick skin to comments!), my TikTok journey has been rewarding, allowing me to connect with a community of like-minded individuals and share our experiences with those new to non-monogamy.
What advice would you give to others looking to pursue open relationships?
My first advice is to figure out your rules for a relationship that will work for you rather than trying to fit into a specific relationship category.
My foremost advice is to prioritize defining your relationship rules rather than conforming to predefined categories. While labels like monogamy, polyamory, or swinging can provide a sense of identity, they shouldn’t dictate the dynamics of your relationship from the outset. Instead, draw inspiration from various relationship styles, taking bits and pieces that resonate with you and your partner(s) to craft something unique and authentic. There’s no right or wrong way to navigate an open relationship; the key is ensuring everyone involved feels comfortable and empowered to explore new dynamics together.