Remember back to the first time you visited an adult store, more specifically how you felt before your first visit. Did you worry about your vehicle being recognized in the parking lot or running into someone you knew? Did you worry about your safety or the vibe you might receive from fellow patrons? Did you expect it to be dimly lit, with strangers performing salacious acts in the shadows? Maybe you’re new to exploring your sexuality and you’ve yet to find the courage to stop in.
My advice? Make company your companion.
I was raised in a religious and conservative family in which sex is supposed to be reserved for marriage, or at least not talked about openly. I didn’t have models of sexual empowerment in my family, but my best friend at the time did. Specifically, her aunt, who was single, financially independent and confident in her own skin.
Was discrete enough about her relationships, but open enough to realize my friend and I were interested in our own sexuality, a topic no one was informing us well about. Late one evening, this aunt suggested she be the first to take me and my also-19-year-old friend to an adult store to by ourselves a sex toy. The timing was right. A 2020 Adam & Even poll revealed that most people buy their first sex toy between the ages of 21 and 30, with nearly as many obtaining their first between age 18 and 20.
My friend and I were both virgins and neither of us were in a relationship, but we were certainly interested in learning more about our bodies. Having a family member whom we trusted take us to the adult store made all of the difference. She was an older adult who had the confidence and knowledge to escort us through the doors, show us and explain the offerings, and calm our nerves.
I went home with a small, pink vibrator. I was so excited that I showed my mom when I got home, and told her. My conservative-but-open mother raised her eyebrows, but ultimately congratulated me. My mother wasn’t the type to take me to an adult store, but she did value personal strength and self-knowledge.
That’s exactly what my friend’s aunt provided. She gave me permission to explore my own pleasure without the presence or pressure of a partner, so that I could understand what I needed.
I have a daughter who is becoming an adult and we openly discuss all of life’s topics, including drugs and alcohol, finance and careers, relationships and sexuality. I’ve already thought about helping her buy her first vibrator, or what trusted family friend I might ask if my daughter isn’t comfortable going with me.
Certainly, today’s online shopping experience offers discretion, and reviews provide insight into peoples’ real-life experience with products. In my opinion, nothing replaces the comfort and confidence of someone you know and trust.
If you’ve never been to an adult store or purchased an adult item for yourself, I suggest you to find someone you trust to go with you. If you’re more experienced, serve in that role for someone else.
A helping hand can go a long way.