Since I was a child, I dreamt about my life before it happened.
Obsessing about every detail, fantasy and hope. I had goals. Basically, I wanted to be the princess in the tower… waiting for the knight.
However, my mind and body had other plans. As I started my journey and grew to realise my place within the LGBTQ+ community, where I now call home, my story would be different. My dreams would have to change, alter and accommodate who I really was. A gay man. And, as I did, I asked myself – would I ever be able to love like others do? Because that princess in the tower can’t be everyone’s reality, sometimes we have to save ourselves.
I sure did.
Through my book, Gay Man Talking – All the Conversations We Never Had, and my very own journey, I discovered that having awkward and uncomfortable chats about life and the people around us, in turn, helps us discover ourselves. Conversations are fundamental to finding what we are looking for.
And, what it all really comes down to is this, love. Simply love.
We live our lives seeking approval, validation and like-minded people to spend time with. Make people happy, get careers we might be passionate about and do good. Continuing to do good. Most of us, will hopefully be kind, tread carefully and respect others. Perhaps even help people. Then, we agonise over dating and apps that help (or hinder) us in order to not be alone. To find someone. A love, perhaps. It’s a constant quest with an end goal.
Love.
However, this (and that privileged princess with the horrendously long hair in the tower) is not quite the end goal we actually need. Or want.
In fact, I often ask myself, is love actually enough?
The answer is who knows. It’s certainly a part of our journey, and, at times, an incredibly amazing one at that, but enough? I’m not sure.
Having come out just before my 18 birthday and gone through struggles and battles, whilst living-in fear, I realised this.
Love is our end goal. It can be enough and more. But it isn’t the Princess in the tower or the romantic comedy with Cameron Diaz. It isn’t a white knight on a horse or a glance across the dance floor from a sweaty stud with chest hair across his Tarzan-esq pecs. I mean, that’s great, come on over Tarzan. But that isn’t the love in our end goal.
Instead, it’s this.
It’s the little boy we were at school, pacing the corridors with his head down in order to survive, because he was scared. It’s then discovering that looking down will never make you happy, but looking up and forward, learning to love yourself, will be everything you need.
Loving you.
If then, the knight comes along too, you are really winning. But it’s the love within ourselves we need to find. That’s the real goal. Everything else, including Tarzan, is just a bonus.
Read an excerpt from Gay Man Talking here.
Use code HARDING20 for 20% discount off a copy of Gay Man Talking when ordered through us.jkp.com or uk.jkp.com valid through December 31, 2022.
Gay Man Talking is also available from Amazon and Bookshop.