If you’ve never been to a sex club, what do you picture one looking like? A mysterious, elite soirée featuring masks and creepy rituals, à la Eyes Wide Shut? Sweaty porn-style orgies? A group of beautiful and intimidating people enjoying a sordid f***fest that’s probably best left to more extroverted, hyper-qualified sex-havers than the likes of you?
If you said yes to any of the above scenarios, you’re not necessarily wrong, because sex clubs of all kinds are open around the world. But there are plenty of sex clubs where even novices can fit right in and are welcoming of anyone curious about expanding their sexual horizons.
The Wide World of Sex Clubs
Expensive and elaborate sex parties definitely exist—as do casual “regular folks” ones. Sex clubs and sex parties might seem intimidating, but they’re actually perfect for shy people looking to explore. Often, sex clubs can be very similar to a typical nightclub, with room for socializing and dancing. They also usually include more private areas with beds and other props for sex play.
Whether you enjoy the exhibitionistic thrill of having sex in front of other people, or you enjoy the voyeurism of watching people have sex, or maybe you’re just curious and want to see what all the fuss is about, you can most likely find a sex club near you. Some couples choose to go to sex clubs to play with each other, while others go to play with strangers. Whether you want to celebrate International Swingers Day on August 13 or another sex holiday, or simply want to explore new erotic horizons, you’ll find everything you need to know about visiting your first sex club right here.
Research the Possibilities
The priority of any decent sex club is their customer’s safety and comfort. Rules ensure those things. Sex clubs are more plentiful than most people think. If you live in or near any medium to large city, you’ll probably be able to find a sex club. Here’s a list of some of the most notorious sex clubs around the world.
Google is always handy (you can search “sex club” + the name of the nearest city), but if it doesn’t pull anything up, another option is to visit your local sex shop and ask if they know of any places or looking on social networking sites like FetLife. Most people are surprised to learn that sex clubs are actually pretty regimented places. They’re not wild free-for-alls. If it’s a good sex club, the management cares about creating a safe, welcoming, sexy place for people to let loose, so they create detailed guidelines for club etiquette.
Most clubs will have a website where the rules are listed in detail. If not, you can always email or call the club and ask. Certain sex clubs also require you to go through an application process before you’re allowed through the doors. You may need to submit a written application, photos of yourself, or even do an interview. This is all to ensure the safety of their customers, including you. It’s worth doing your research in advance, so you can make sure you have the time to go through any necessary steps or pre-screening.
Know The Rules of the Sex Club
Of course you need to familiarize yourself with club rules before attending, so you know what to bring and how to dress. This will give you a sense of whether you need to bring anything, like a picture ID, what the dress code is, if nudity is mandatory, or if you’re allowed to keep all or some of your clothes on, what specific activities are and aren’t allowed. Sometimes certain areas will be designated play zones, and other areas are for socializing only. Can you bring your own toys? Whether or not singles are allowed, or if it’s a couples only club?
As important as those rules are, of course, it’s equally important to know your own rules, as an individual or as a couple. Lifehacker put together a nice example of some thighs you might want to ask yourself or partner before entering a sex club.
Lifehacker has this to say:
“If you’re going solo or with a friend, think about what activities you’d feel comfortable participating in. A sex club is not a once-in-a-lifetime experience; you can always go back. Don’t pressure yourself to do anything before you feel ready. If you’re feeling nervous, you can decide that you’ll only watch the first time, or only engage in a little light petting. Plenty of people take it slow their first few times.
If it’s your first time going to a sex club with your partner, you definitely want to have a lengthy conversation about what activities are on and off the table.”
Communication is a crucial part of any relationship, whether you’re monogamous or practice any form of non-monogamy. It’s important to really get into the details of what you’re looking for and not looking for so that you’re on the same page as your partner or partners. While there will likely be unexpected scenarios that crop up which you can negotiate together, having these important discussions prior to going to a sex club can make the experience more enjoyable and ensure that everyone has a good time.
Lifehacker’s advice about being able to go back is crucial. You don’t have to try to live out every sexual fantasy you’ve ever had in one night. You may discover aspects of your desires you’d never thought about before. Watching and observing is perfectly fine (and will be a turn-on to any exhibitionists at the club). People have different reasons for going to sex clubs, and you should’t feel like you have to maintain the same level of nudity or explicitness as anyone else there. Do what’s comfortable for you and
What Happens at Sex Clubs
If you want to read some very fun firsthand experiences, you should check these articles out. Rachel Varina wrote about her experience for Betches, including that she’s the jealous type, but was curious enough about sex clubs to go to one with her husband. While she expected to be hit on from the moment she walked through the door, Varina found the sex club atmosphere much like a normal party in terms of being approached:
“Did people hit on me? Yes *hair flip.* Was it nonstop? Not even a little bit. Turns out, the world did not stop turning the moment I crossed the threshold into the latex-scented caves. The thing is, the people at sex clubs are used to other people coming into sex clubs, especially the newbies. While multiple couples and single females came up to us, no one was especially pushy or weird. In fact, it was just like any other situation: Light small talk and downing drinks. The only difference is that after a few minutes people would ask if you wanted to f*** them. The craziest part? A polite “no thanks” was all it took for them to smile and walk away. REVOLUTIONARY! While it felt a little uncomfortable turning people down at first, in this environment it feels totally safe to ask for sex and to casually say no. Again, REVOLUTIONARY.”
Isabelle Kohn, who has more of an interest in public sex and voyeurism, wrote about her experience for The Rooster, including that she found many similarities between a sex club and a bar:
“…up close when it’s happening three feet from your face, the sex you see feels less live and more pornographic. At the club I went to, we watched couples f*** from behind a window. At many other clubs, there may or may not be windows, but you’re not allowed to touch the couple having sex unless you’re invited to by them. So if you’re playing voyeur like I was, not only are you removed and at a distance from the action, but you also have no control over it.
… Eerie similarity to porn, wouldn’t you say?
In fact, I’ve watched sex club porn, and being at one in person felt exactly as distant. Still erotic, but not the orgy of the flesh and sensory overwhelm I’d envisioned. That’s not a bad thing per se; I was just surprised the parallel between porn and live voyeurism.”
Whether you’ve always dreamed of going to a sex club, or it’s a later-in-life discovery that you want to explore, there are sex club options for various tastes, whether you want to watch, be watched, participate or aren’t sure. Simply talking about the aspects of a sex club you’re curious about can be a way to add intimacy to your relationship with your partner or partners as you discuss what turns you on about the idea.
If you don’t feel comfortable going to a sex club in your town because you want to ensure your anonymity, perhaps a visit to a sex club could be something you save for a trip.