When you hear the word “unicorn” you might immediately imagine that elusive mythical creature of childhood daydreams. Perhaps you envision a unicorn walking through enchanted forests, with its proud gold horn, surrounded by glitter and sunbeams. Well, whichever way you used to imagine unicorns, that image might soon be transformed because those mythical creatures of fantasy have paved the way for a new use of the word “unicorn,” one that’s very real.
A “unicorn” is now a term used in the world of polyamory to describe a bisexual or pansexual person (usually, though not always, female) who wishes to engage in sex with an existing couple. While this concept is not far off from the world of fantasy for some, this type of unicorn does actually exist.
The unicorn is essentially a girlfriend/boyfriend/partner to both members of the established couple. The couple is usually considered the primary relationship, while the unicorn will be a secondary partner to both. Some poly folk ask that the unicorn mustn’t do anything that might cause problems or inconvenience the already established couple.
According to Leanne Yau (she/they), the founder of Polyphilia.blog, a unicorn is
“…a person who is willing to join an existing couple to form a polyamorous triad. The label is most commonly used for single bisexual women who join heterosexual couples, but unicorns can be of any sexuality or relationship status.
Triads usually form organically. A person dates one half of a couple, and then begins a separate relationship with the other half later on with no expectations or pressure. However, if you are specifically interested in dating couples simultaneously, here is a list of red flags to be aware of so you can protect yourself.”
Head over to Yau’s extensive Polyphilia blog in the link above if you wish to explore more deeply about the red flags about dating couples simultaneously!
The bewitching magic of a unicorn is no longer a mirage from fairytale books that lays just out of reach; they really are out there now. Some people are proud to be unicorns.
And as fanciful as it sounds, there is a lot more complexity to the modern polyamorous unicorn lifestyle than you might think. According to Jacqueline Gualtieri, who wrote an article about unicorns over at Zoosk, you may find yourself always the unicorn, never the hunter!
“One of the worst things about being a polyamorous person who isn’t currently in a couple, or a dyad, is how often you find yourself a unicorn.
You’re with a couple and you find that they’re extra cuddly towards each other. They kiss each other in front of you. They go out to dinner after meeting up with you, telling you that they need couple time. You meet up with them on their whim, do whatever it is that they want to do since it always seems to be two against one anyways, and then you go your separate ways. Until the next time they call at least.”
And there you have it: modern day unicorns walk amongst us! Just as illusive and coveted, maybe just as horny, and hopefully still surrounded by clouds of glitter and fairies.
More polyamory and relationship terms to know: