In the world of polyamory, there are many terms you may come across but not know how to define, so we’re here to help. A telemour is the partner of your partner’s partner, aka the partner of your metamour. If your wife has a boyfriend who also has a girlfriend, the girlfriend would be your telemour.
As Kinkly puts it, “The term telemour is commonly used within the polyamorous community, where people have more than one relationship or partner simultaneously. Meta-metamour, or meta-meta for short, may also be used interchangeably with telemour.”
This TikTok video by readyforpolyamory explains the telemour relationship with a visual example.
While telemour is the official term for your partner’s partner’s partner, that doesn’t necessarily define how you interact with them, if you do at all. You may or may not encounter your telemour in person, depending on what style of polyamory you practice. If you practice parallel polyamory, and your partner’s relationship with their partner (your metamour) is one that’s self-contained (happening on a parallel with yours), where they don’t interact with their partner’s primary partner, then you likely wouldn’t either. You still may know your telemour’s name and basic biographical information about them, but you likely wouldn’t meet in person and wouldn’t take an active interest in their personal life.
However, it’s a different story if you practice kitchen table polyamory, which is based on a more collegial organizing principle. According to Melbourne’s Sexual Health and Intimacy Psychological Services (SHIPS), via their glossary, in kitchen table polyamory, “Close emotional relationships between metamours and/or telemours are strongly encouraged or required. The term refers to the idea that there is a supportive and accepting atmosphere throughout the relationship network, and all of the participants are able to sit with one another around the physical and metaphorical kitchen table harmoniously.”
Within kitchen table polyamory, you would likely see your telemour at parties or events or have other occasions to socialize with them. They would be part of your polycule or polyamorous circle, even if you didn’t personally keep in direct touch with them.
Still, if you’re all in long-term relationships, it may be helpful to know who your telemour is and what kind of polyamorous style they share with their partner to help inform you of your own partner’s needs.
More polyamory and relationship terms to know: