There are many different types of relationships, but in the 21st century, dating apps, commitment issues, “hook-up” culture, and an ever-changing dating landscape have created a new dating trend that is a label but isn’t a relationship per se: the situationship. Situationships are relationships that have no clear intentions or end goals between partners, and this usually starts with the lack of defining the relationship.
Many people fall into this category, where one partner may become invested, they develop romantic feelings and an emotional connection, while the other partner continues to indulge in their freedom, by seeing other people and not committing to any relationship. Situationships can be the label that two agreeing and knowing partners put on their relationship. Still, it can also be a trap, unintentional or not for one partner to drag along another partner because of things like convenience and sex. Because a situationship can drag on for months, wasting the time of a partner who wants to be in a relationship, it’s essential to understand and recognize the signs of a situationship.
Occasionally, people who are a part of situationships may feel that the relationship they have with their partner is directionless, yet they hold on to hope that their situationship will eventually blossom into a committed and healthy relationship. But recognizing the different signs of a situationship, and learning how to communicate with your partner about it can help save you from heartbreak.
According to an article by InStyle, some signs may be in a situationship are the relationship not progressing, not going on actual dates, inconsistent plans and never talking about your future or defining the relationship, among others. As you can see, in these cases, it’s easy for one partner to think the relationship is heading in one direction and the other to have a completely different take on it.
Okay, so if you’re starting to recognize that you might in fact be in a situationship. What now?! If you’re cool with what you have and want to keep it that way, that’s great. But first, you need to ask yourself: Am I really okay with this? Make sure you’re not pushing your own needs and wants aside just because you want to satisfy someone else’s needs to keep them close. Are you “going with the flow” for too long because you think their feelings might change? They may never, and you could be totally disappointed, having wasted time you could’ve spent finding a better match.
According to Women’s Health, which spoke with Christie Tcharkhoutian, Ph.D., LMFT, a senior matchmaker with Three Day Rule in Los Angeles some helpful tips to communicate about the situationship may be:
“… if you actually want more, speak up. Say: ‘I’ve enjoyed spending time with you,’ suggests Tcharkhoutian. Then tell them what you like or appreciate about them, and finally ask for their thoughts on where things might go. If they come up with an excuse for the casual scenario without an end date—’Work is crazy’ instead of ‘After my real estate exam, I should be able to commit more’—don’t expect things to change.”
So, what if the person isn’t receptive to moving into more serious territory? Try to find opportunities to look at this situationship as a learning experience. It’s important to try to process the up sides and down sides of the situationship without blame or judgment. Were there red flags you ignored? Did you tend to settle throughout the situationship for less than you wanted or needed? Digging into these questions can help inform what you want out of your next relationship, which will help you avoid falling into another situationship that isn’t serving you.
If you want to avoid this type of relationship purgatory be sure to communicate openly and clearly and know what is and isn’t okay for you in terms of commitment. Sometimes the signs of a situationship are implicit, but they can be explicit as well, and it’s important to come to terms with these signs in the early stages of your relationship to keep your heart, head, and mental health safe.
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