This was probably one of the best exercises I did for myself. I first heard about this exercise through a women’s group that I was part of. To be honest, it was really uncomfortable for me to even do this exercise, but I’m glad I was able to get out of my own way to make this happen.
What you are supposed to do is ask someone close to you five or six simple questions about yourself. This person can be your best friend, a family member, or your partner. Really anybody who really knows you very well. The person you choose to take part in this exercise can either send you a video or written reply answering the questions you sent. You should make answering the questions comfortable for the other person because not everyone is comfortable with video.
I asked my best friend to do the loving mirror exercise with me, and she sent her answers through email. I will share with you the questions you can ask the person you choose to do this exercise, and the answers my best friend sent me.
Question 1—What do you get out of me being in your life?
A better me! Your unwavering support and encouragement makes me a better person; you take me as I am and want nothing but the best for me. You show this by encouraging and motivating me whenever I want to give up, allowing me to be the best person I can be. You provide me with the needed boost of confidence to my self-esteem those times when I’m down and think I can’t do something. And last but not least, your constant friendship and loyalty provides a much welcomed and needed comfort in my life, with the knowledge there is someone I can always rely on for anything.
Question 2—What have you gained from our relationship? (Be specific.)
Personal growth— You try to live your life to the fullest and are not afraid to try new things. I am more reserved and laid back but by you sharing and talking about your experiences, I find myself living vicariously through you, which, in turn, allows me to learn and experience things I may not have thought about doing.
A more positive outlook in life—You surround yourself with positivity, from the way you live your life (i.e. live a more healthy lifestyle, cut out the negative/bad habits in your life, etc.) to your outlook in life (your optimism); which in turn, makes me try to live my life the same way.
Question 3—What would be missing if I weren’t in your life?
My life would definitely be a lot lonelier. But to be honest, I honestly can’t imagine what it would be like if you weren’t in my life. I rely and depend on you on a lot of things—from the smallest matter of knowing you’re there to listen when I’m mad and need an ear to vent to knowing I have your shoulder to cry on when times are tough.
Question 4—What do you see as my strengths?
In no specific order, your loyalty (knowing I can always count you for anything), honesty (you will always tell me the truth, no matter how harsh it is), your sense of humour (you have the ability to make anyone smile and laugh with your jokes, no matter how corny they are) and your outgoing personality (you make it comfortable to be in new surroundings with your personality).
Question 5—On a scale of 1–10, what would you rate our relationship?
10+
Questions 6—(If anything less than a 10) What can I do to make it a 10?
When I first read my best friend’s responses to this exercise, I was bawling my eyes out because I had no idea this is what she thought of me. This is something I go back to when I am feeling down on myself. I go back to reading this and knowing that there’s someone in my corner who sees so much good and potential that I am not able to see.
I highly recommend doing this exercise for yourself. This really can change your outlook on yourself and learn to love yourself more for it.
Reprinted with permission from The Tao of Self-Confidence: A Guide to Moving Beyond Trauma and Awakening the Leader Within by Sheena Yap Chan.
The Tao of Self-Confidence is available from Amazon and Bookshop.