Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, Christian Mingle, Grinder, Goths Only dot com, Farmers only dot com … there is something out there for everyone, promising someone out there for everyone.
Match-making has always existed in some way, from mail order brides and arranged marriages to classified ads in the paper… “if you like pina coladas…”
I entered a relationship in my 20s before Tinder had really taken off – and exited in my 30s – when Tinder was king.
I’ll never forget my friend Dave excitedly telling me about it: “you’re gonna love the new dating world! You can just show up in any town, log in and get a date!”
I wasn’t as excited about it as he was.
After a few sweaty advances from people at bars, though, I decided to give it a try. If nothing else, I figured it was good practice to “get back on that horse.”
I created a profile – careful to choose selfies that were good but not too good – as a musician with lots of glamour shots out there I’ve already experienced the shame of being less beautiful in real life than in picture.
Anyway, I wasn’t smiling much those days – I had had a volatile breakup, and to top it off, had recently injured myself, so I was in physical and emotional pain, and looking for distractions.
Just scrolling through 100s of “nopes” was a pretty entertaining distraction from the beginning. You start to notice patterns fit for drinking games: take a swig every time you see a yoga pose on top of a mountain or paddleboard, men without shirts posing with wild animals, bros with beards and beers, chicks with duck lips and inspirational quotes in the bio. The amazing thing is there really is a bit of everything out there, from literal hookers to asexual people who just want friends.
There is a lot of humor in it all. Everyone is there showcasing their chosen manipulation of themselves in an effort to find someone they can be real with.
My first Tinder date was with a guy dressed as a taco. His only photo was of himself dressed as said Taco – I didn’t actually expect him to show up as a taco, but he did — granted it was the day after Halloween.
I was so sketched out about the idea of meeting a stranger so I let my roommate know where I was going, and I met him on a random street corner close to home in case I needed to make a quick exit.
He was young. He was from Brazil, we made out on the street corner and I ignored his texts and deleted him after a few days.
That’s right, my first Tinder date was a make-out session with a taco from Brazil. It did just what I needed – first kiss post-breakup, and just funny and weird enough to make me actually smile, genuinely laugh.
You see, dating is pretty funny. From awkward questions on first dates to the squishy smacky sounds that happen during intercourse (if you get there).
Internet dating is even funnier. So you may as well give it a shot – smile for the camera!