Creating a balance between partners in a modern home is one of life’s most interesting and meaningful design challenges—and how could it not be so? Just consider how much gender roles have changed in society and the massive personal reconfiguration that forming a partnership requires.
Ultimately, however, gender and sexual preferences don’t matter, nor do community attitudes toward traditional gender roles. The only thing that truly matters is the personal dynamic between the partners themselves and how they use the power of home design to support and express their relationship. Typically, the task of shaping the home falls to the person who cares the most or has the most power in the relationship. The key is to keep a light heart and shared love at the forefront throughout the process.
When you work on the love and marriage energy center of your home, you can invite new vigor into an existing relationship or manifest a new love relationship entirely. Often, this entails a considered and careful rethinking of a couple’s goals for companionship or a single person’s desire for a relationship. Further, since love tends to radiate, anything you change here tends to extend throughout the home.
Partnerships Are a Magical Mix
Homes built by partners can feel like they have their style dialed in because there is magic in the mixing of two persuasions. In fact, in recent years, many compelling and popular styles illustrate the synergy that occurs when two different ideas rub up against each other. Consider modern farmhouse, Japandi, modern bohemian, Memphis deco, grandmillennial, and cottagecore. On the surface, two ideas can often seem at odds. Together, they can become more than the sum of their parts.
Couples thrive when they are curious about each partner’s taste and explore the world of decoration together. Often, designers will choose an overall theme or palette for a home and will then let one part of the couple take over the smaller choices within different spaces so that they can see their own visions realized. That seems to work well for some couples, since it gives partners one little area of the world that is an embodiment of their own vision. For larger spaces, it makes more sense to have both partners involved in the decision-making and to make choices with all family members in mind.
Here are some other things to keep in mind as you explore how your partnership can find expression within your home. The following ideas can apply to the specific area of interest on your energy map, or to the rooms where love and relationships are best fostered. So if you want to strengthen a partnership, you can employ cues for partnership in the love and partnership area, throughout the home, or in the bedroom.
SEEK SYMMETRY
Humans love symmetry. Some posit that it is a way for the eye to find order in an unpredictable world, a moment of calm amid visual chaos. In feng shui, symmetry represents equality in partnership. Use this maxim to create a visual metaphor of equality in any space. You don’t need to put doubles everywhere, but artfully placed pairs
add balance and tell a story. Think about adding the following:
- Paired sets of bookshelves
- Two matching chairs or matching sofas facing each other
- Sets of two framed and related prints or artworks
- Sets of two bookends
- Two candlesticks
- Pairs of figurines
- Imagery of couples or two similar items grouped together
LOVE & PARTNERSHIP
The center of love, marriage, and sex
COLORS: Brown, yellow, pink, peach
ELEMENT: Earth
RELATED HOME ITEMS: Ceramics,
tile, terra-cotta planters, clay figures or sculpture, crystals
SHAPE: Square or rectangle
TERRITORIALITY
If you and your partner long to remain tigers in the sack, you might consider being like tigers in the rest of the home, too. People have territorial tendencies, so carving out spaces that belong to one partner alone can help them feel empowered. Partnership suffers greatly in homes where one partner has not a single square foot of space that is entirely their own.
TEMPERATURE
It’s a surprise to no one, but everyone has their own ideal room temperature, and conflicts over temperature are common. Environmental psychologists say people tend to get along better in warmer climes,
but not too warm. About 70 degrees Fahrenheit is the ideal, since most bodily functions work best at this temperature. Maybe this makes for
a silly home date night, but consider dedicating an evening to finding your ideal home temperature.
Bedroom Considerations
Of course, wherever it’s located on your home’s energy map, the bedroom is a key space in any partnership. While much recent media attention has focused on simple adjustments for getting a full night’s rest, few experts have laid out best practices for how to arrange the bedroom thoughtfully for partnership.
SHARED VIEWS
Within the bedroom, one design constellation can have detrimental consequences for a partnership, and that is the view from the bed.
If a couple has a split view—say, one partner looks through a door and down a hallway, and the other gazes at a dresser—this can foster separate visions for their lives. If possible, position the bed so that its view isn’t cut in half. If that can’t be done, keep the door closed and create a dominant visual on the other half that will draw the eye.
DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS
When partners need to have a hard talk, they should consider a space other than the bed or the bedroom. First, it can often feel less tense when you can sit side by side, depending on how you respond to looking into someone else’s eyes. As an added bonus, you won’t create a lingering atmosphere of conflict and anger in the bedroom after the conversation is over.
SEXUALITY
Partners can heighten sexual response without outfitting their bedroom like a Las Vegas love palace. The key is to include thoughtful but personal details that remind both partners that they are sexual beings. Focus on touch—touchable fabrics, sumptuous pillows, a carpeted floor underneath. Or use visual cues that have personal meaning but aren’t necessarily overtly sexual. This might be the place for a new tiger figurine, but any inside joke works. In our bedroom, the best sign of all is the way the doorknob looks when it’s locked. I can text a picture of a locked door to my partner, and it’s better than more obvious choices.
Excerpted from Find Yourself at Home: A Conscious Approach to Shaping Your Space and Your Life by Emily Grosvenor by. Published by Chronicle Prism, an imprint of Chronicle Books. Copyright © 2023 by Emily Grosvenor.
Find Yourself at Home is available from Amazon and Bookshop.