Author’s note: in this article, and in my personal lexicon, bisexual means “attracted to people of the same sex and of other sexes,” not “attracted to men and women.” As a nonbinary person I don’t put stock in the binary gender system. While pansexual may be a more accurate term for the sexual identity I’m talking about here, bisexual is more commonly used.
As a bi identified person, I sometimes have the feeling that I’m “not queer enough.” But I’ve got news for you; bi is queer too. In fact, a little-known statistical truth is that the bisexual category of orientation is confirmed as the largest slice of the lesbian, gay, and bisexual (LGB) pie. According to Gallup (n.d.), bisexuality accounts for 52% of LGB+ people. (This report did not include statistics on asexuality, so I am unable to include any data on asexual identity as compared to other sexual orientations here.)
Notwithstanding our statistical majority in the LGBTQIA+ community, bisexuality is particularly isolating; biphobia comes from all directions. Straight people don’t accept bisexual people, nor does much of the queer community. From prohibitions against dating bi women in the lesbian community to the overwhelming fear of bisexuality from heterosexuals, bisexual people often end up feeling ostracized in both communities. This being the case, bisexual people are less likely to be out to family, friends, or coworkers than our lesbian or gay counterparts, and are more likely to experience negative health outcomes. According to the “Bisexual Index,” published in February of 2012 by the Centre for Citizenship, Identity and Governance in the United Kingdom, bisexual people are more likely to experience suicidal ideation and to attempt suicide than our heterosexual, lesbian, and gay counterparts.
A likely culprit regarding this intense reality is the stigma that is perpetuated by biphobia. Biphobia can take many forms, including bisexual denial, bisexual invisibility, bisexual exclusion, bisexual marginalization, and negative stereotypes. The way to combat prejudice is with education and exposure, so in this column, I will address some myths about bisexuality with my own gut reactions, backed up by some data here and there.
Fighting Negative Stereotypes/Myths about Bisexual People
Myth: Bisexuality is a “phase” that the bisexual person will grow out of.
Again, 56.8% of LGB+ people identify as bisexual. For most of us, bisexuality is not a phase. That said, statistics do show that the percentage of bisexual identified people goes down in older age ranges. In my mind these statistics are less reliable than some, since bisexual older adults are also far less likely to be out compared even to their younger bi counterparts, much less compared to gay or lesbian identified people. It is a challenge to get reliable statistics about a group of people who are living a closeted life. According to the MAP infographic titled “A Closer Look: Bisexual Older Adults,” published in 2017, only 18% of bisexual people over 45 years of age are out about their sexual identification, compared to 32% of bi people under 45. For reference, according to the same infographic, 77% of gay men are out, and 71% of lesbians.
While many bisexual people will end up in exclusive relationships (marriage or otherwise) that may make them appear homosexual or heterosexual, a bisexual person may continue identifying as bisexual—even when married to one person. Yet, for convenience or acceptance, or to lessen isolation and marginalization, or for any number of other reasons, some bisexual folks will allow the relationship they are currently in to dictate their identity for them. For instance, a bisexual woman married to a man may shift her sexual identity toward heterosexuality, or a bisexual man in a long-term relationship with another man may shift toward identifying as gay.
However, this is by no means always the case. Many bisexual people who are in committed relationships with either a same-sex partner or a different sex partner still identify as bisexual. If someone tells you they are bisexual, the most important things you can do are believe them, accept them, and support them—just like you would do with someone of any orientation who came out to you.
Myth: Bisexual people need to “choose a side.”
This is one of the most damning prejudiced opinions about bi folks. This ties to being castigated and marginalized by both straight people and queer folks. The fact is, many of us are attracted to people, and for many of us, that attraction is not defined by just someone’s genitals. We are not going to “choose a side” to make folks more comfortable, and this mentality is what leads bi folks to feeling isolated and ostracized.
Myth: Bisexual people are promiscuous, and sexually available to anyone.
There is no evidence that bisexual people are more likely to be promiscuous than people of any other sexual orientation. This myth has roots in the hypersexualization of bisexual people, and contributes directly to biphobia.
Just because we may just as easily be attracted to a woman, man, or enby (nonbinary) person doesn’t mean we are compelled to follow up on that attraction. Just like with a heterosexual person or a homosexual person, relationship agreements are what define the guidelines of relationship conduct. A bisexual person may be a swinger, or they may be monogamous, or they may be monogamish, or they may be celibate. None of these mean that a bisexual person is sexually available to whomever, nor does any of it mean that a bisexual person is promiscuous.
Myth: Bisexual people are a threat to relationships or families (homewreckers).
This belief is also rooted in the hypersexuality of bisexual identity. Bisexual people are no more likely to break relationship agreements than people of any orientation. Whether a person is going to interfere with an existing relationship or not has nothing to do with their sexual orientation, and everything to do with that person’s own value system.
Myth: Bisexual people are incapable of monogamy.
Bisexual people are no less capable of monogamy than people of any orientation. Again, this myth also relates to the hypersexualization of bisexual people. If a bisexual person agrees to monogamy as the relationship format, they are just as likely as anyone of any sexual orientation to be able to follow through on those commitments.
A bisexual person does not need to be in relationship with multiple genders at one time in order to be fulfilled as a bisexual person.
Closing Words
From mental and physical health outcomes, to financial and job insecurity, to isolation and marginalization, bisexual people are likely to experience negative outcomes due to the stigma associated with bisexual identity. Bisexual and transgender people of color are the most likely to experience these negative outcomes due to compounded factors for marginalization and stigma.
The world needs to become more accepting of LGBTQIA+ people. We all know this. Additionally, our LGBTQIA+ community needs to work on more acceptance of bisexual people. It is time to leave the shame behind and create room for bisexual people in this community.
Honestly, where else do we have to go?
Read all Lasara’s Queerly Renegade columns here.