We love sex toys at Residence 11, so we wanted to get the scoop on what it’s like to design a sex toy from Tabitha Rayne, a Scottish writer, artists and sextech designer. Rayne is the inventor of the award-winning Ruby Glow ride-on sex toy range who “believes in sensual and sexual wellbeing and orgasms for all.” Read on to find out what it’s like to be a sex toy designer, and the connection between sex toys and her erotica writing.
How long have you been in the sex toy industry and how did you get involved?
I first came up with the concept of a ride on saddle type sex toy back in 2014 when I was writing my saucy books and getting a bit carried away during the love scenes. I thought it would be a simple case of buying what I needed so I could pop it on my office chair and grind away. I was basically looking to write through an orgasm scene without having to stop and “sort myself out.”
I had a very clear picture in my mind of what I needed and spent a long time searching for it online. When I couldn’t find anything, I made the shape I craved from clay and was delighted when it worked like a charm! I could write the love scenes all the way through at last. It wasn’t until a friend of mine said other people might be interested in it that I thought about actually producing it. I got a small investment to buy prototyping materials and went into small time production in my writing shed, perfecting the shape in silicone.
Lucky for me, being in the erotica writing community gives you plenty of opportunities to ask for volunteers to try it out. There is something quite unusual about asking a friend to have a seat on a lump of blue silicone and see if they orgasm! What a blessing romance authors are. When some of my testers confirmed that it did indeed do the job, I had to decide what to do next.
I knew producing a sex toy is hugely expensive so I pitched my idea to Rocks Off Ltd, who saw the potential and took Ruby Glow on as part of their range.
What was it like to go from having an idea for a sex toy to having it in production?
It was so surreal. It took two more years for it to come out and I couldn’t believe the thing that was being sold in actual shops was something I’d designed. It was a bittersweet victory though as I soon learned that advertising or discussing anything to do with the adult pleasure industry is an absolute nightmare and fraught with censorship. I naively thought everyone would be into it.
The Ruby Glow is a ride-on vibrator. Can you elaborate on what that means and why this type of stimulation is so important to people with vulvas?
I have heard so many stories of people lucky enough to have a vulva finding their first orgasmic experience through humping, grinding, or riding something. I was quite perplexed that this hadn’t really been explored properly before – at least with a small portable toy. It seemed ridiculous to me. Almost as ridiculous as the sex and pleasure education that probably led to this situation in the first place. When I was at school, we were taught all about how boys masturbate and think about sex every seven minutes. I distinctly remember thinking – pah, amateurs! Wait till we hear about how often girls masturbate and think about sex! But surprise surprise, there was no mention of female sexual pleasure.
Why is the design of sex toys so important?
Sex toys are important on so many levels. Understanding your body and sexual pleasure means not only can you satisfy yourself, you’ll also be able to communicate that to lovers. Sex toys are a great way to give yourself a helping hand and let you explore new ways to connect with the sexual side of yourself. I used to be very shy of using sex toys, and in fact, I really didn’t want a phallic or penetrative toy so I just thought they weren’t for me. I think I bought one at an Ann Summers party just so I wouldn’t be the odd one out. I think I tried it once.
Less than ten years ago we had nothing like the array of different designs that cater for all sorts of pleasure. In the past, the vulva was offered a fake dick to insert in the vagina or a hard bullet for the clitoris, neither of which appealed to me at all.
I love how much individuals are now talking about pleasure and what works for them, especially on social media. People are demanding toys for all bodies which I’m delighted to say, companies are taking notice. We need more inclusive designs so that everyone feels like sexual pleasure is for them. #OrgasmsForAll
What do you look for in a good sex toy? What makes for a bad sex toy?
Good sex toys are always made from body safe materials. The biggest clue is if you open the box and it smells strange… stay away! I have seen toys in the past where I’ve thought, yep, the person who designed that has paid no attention to the anatomy of the vulva at all; they’ve had an idea and that’s been more important than the end result. I know my designs won’t work for everyone, but they have been carefully researched and taken a very long time to perfect and produce.
What kinds of reactions have you gotten from users of the sex toys you’ve designed?
It is exactly the same as writing a book and putting it out there for people to read and therefore give their opinion. It’s a fine balance between taking constructive feedback to improve future designs and letting go of things you can’t change. Like you simply can’t make a toy that will suit every body. As crushing as that is at times! It’s just not possible. Even to this day, after receiving awards and so many incredible endorsements and reviews, I still get that heart-thumping anxiety when I get sent a link to a review or bit of press coverage.
As with most things, people forget that somewhere along the line, a human was involved with the production of the thing they are talking about so that can make it easy for them to just be a bit nasty. This has only happened twice to me in 7 years and I found it so hard! I have ADHD and can really focus in on negative comments if I don’t take care of myself.
I used to be so stressed about whether this toy was even worthy of being in production and out there in the world. I think often about a review that completely changed how I view my own toy. A trans man with ME (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, aka CFS/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) had bought himself the Ruby Glow. He wrote about how he had felt completely dissociated from his body and sexuality. Using the Ruby Glow meant he didn’t have to touch himself while being able to be sexual. He said he cried as it was the first time he’d had an orgasm in a year. He added that his ME made other toys hard and tiring to use. Being able to sit on Ruby Glow was ideal for him.
This review, that he had taken the time to write, changed my world. The toy was not about me anymore. I needed to rid myself of my insecurities and realize that other people did find it worthy and important. And if even only one more person finds it as helpful as that, then it is worth it.
And when there are more good reviews? Well, I take every single one as a reason to celebrate! Whether that’s having a bubble bath, YouTube disco (my fave) or treating myself to a drink with a friend, I try to make sure I big up the positives.
I am particularly pleased that the Vaginismus Network say good things about Ruby Glow. It really highlights that just because you don’t have penetrative sex, doesn’t mean you aren’t a sexual being who loves pleasure. I certainly used to find that when looking for toys.
You’re also an erotica author. How do writing erotica and designing sex toys impact each other?
You could say the Ruby Glow is the most selfish product ever invented. I made it solely with the idea of climaxing through an orgasm scene. If it hadn’t been for my friend saying other people might like it, I might have been humping away to this day on my lump of clay.
I guess being an author is a massive positive in business because writers are natural collaborators, or so I’ve found. We share each other’s triumphs and commiserate about the bad stuff, so I really cherish that. And to have my first users as friends is wonderful because they help tweak designs and also spread the word. It has led to collaborations with bloggers and writers which I really love. The sex toy world can sometimes feel a bit corporate and distanced, so having the erotica and sex blogger community to be saucy and silly with is just the best!
What are some of the misconceptions people have about you when they hear you’re involved in sex toys and/or erotica?
That I’m shagging for Scotland and go to sex parties every night. I wish! Though I’m not adverse to cultivating the idea that I swan about in a silk nightie eating cherry liqueurs all day…
What’s next for you?
Just to give you a sense of how long a sex toy can take from concept to reality, the second product which I pitched at the same time as Ruby Glow is only just coming out this year! Rocks Off and I have been really listening to customers and taking on board as much feedback as we can, and have involved lots of people in the tweaking of the final design so we can bring this toy to as many unique and orgasm-deserving bodies as possible! It’s called the Ruby Glow Blush and is, I believe, the world’s first Ride On and Wand combo.
As an author, I’m currently in the process of self-publishing six books that lost their publishers at the end of last year. I have been narrating audiobooks for myself and other authors which is just the most fun ever.
As a person… I guess the same as all of us, the opportunity to meet up and be part of lovely in person parties and events. I was meant to launch Ruby Glow Blush in March 2020 on the very weekend that the lockdown was imposed and restrictions to so many things began. On the positive note, the delays in actual production gave us time to nail down some design tweaks.