The aisles are laid, and flowers are blooming, ready for brides and grooms to cascade down in harmonious bliss. Wedding season is creeping up behind us, like the ghosts of our past dates. The ones that leave us, or maybe never even committed to us, right before the season begins.
Being single during wedding season is already a feat, but what if you aren’t in the same place as the couple? Maybe your vision for your relationships or even your life as an individual looks different? The Sex and the City episode, A Woman’s Right to Shoes, feels more relevant than ever for the single millennials facing the financial wedding crash of 2022. Carrie finds her Manolos stolen at her friend’s baby shower on Long Island and asks for a reasonable reimbursement for her tragic loss. The friend refuses to pay the total, causing Carrie to ask, in her usual fashion, why don’t singles receive any gifts after graduation?
The example may refer to a baby shower compared to a bridal shower, but the amateur statistics feel the same. Singles give mentally and financially to their friend’s big days expecting they too will walk down the aisle in the future. Weddings sometimes unfairly follow the tit for tat balancing scale. Marriage is as a steppingstone in a river we never skip. For the singles who don’t know how they want to cross the river, you should know you’re not alone.
Navigating wedding season as a singleton is inevitably emotionally exhausting. The constant nag of questions: when is your big day, or have you found your someone special, can be taxing. Especially when your future may not include a big aisle or even a ring on your left hand. Everyone follows different paths in life, but too often it’s forgotten when we’re surrounded by the bows and glamour of weddings. It’s hard to stay grounded in our beliefs while we enjoy the open bars. Knowing how to approach this season’s obstacles can make the inevitable less daunting and keep our confidence in our singlehood more stable.
It all starts with accepting our single status. Being surrounded by couples at weddings can affect every single, even the most committed singletons. Sipping champagne while hands play across the table is a reminder we are there alone. But it’s in the loneliness where we have the upper hand. Going stag to a wedding is freedom. We can shift the focus to the opportunities the wedding season provides, instead of fixating on the negatives of the RSVP for one.
Lean into the allure of attending alone. Your interesting factor increases without the effort of trying. Who says the woman in the black standing in the corner doesn’t turn heads? You’ve heard it before, but weddings are a great place to meet people. I’m not only referring to the one-night-stand who’s been eyeing you all night. When you look hard enough, you aren’t the only single person there. They may sit at table 9 with you. We find friends in unexpected places. Bonding with the lack of plus ones is a great icebreaker. Conversations may open the opportunity of comradery. Finding another person who understands you could bring your perspective back to your wants, as opposed to the one option being presented to you all night. This new friend can relate to your hesitation to the entire idea of matrimony all together if that’s how you may feel at that moment.
Getting to a place where you feel comfortable enough to embody your single invitation takes time. But lonely confidence comes with practice. Practice that is done throughout the season. Creating time for reflection before and after each wedding can help guide your mind back to your vision for life. Using the gifts Steve Jobs gave us, phone notes are a great way to write out our feelings without the added luggage weight. An outlet for your feelings may realign your racing thoughts before you head into the lion’s den.
Finding a group of fellow singles, whether they are friends or an online community of singletons, is a great grounding tactic. Venting to those who can sympathize is crucial to feeling validated. As much as we love our taken friends, without blame, they can’t completely understand the struggles of attending weddings alone. Friends should have different opinions and wants. It’s what makes the world go round. However, there’s no fault in confiding in the one’s who share similar desires.
Staying steadfast in your single views without judgement, during wedding season, is difficult. No matter your age, discovering you may not want the big white wedding for just-reason is hard to navigate in a sea of bouquets and twinkle lights. As a millennial heading into three weddings this year alone, there is solace in knowing fellow Samanthas and Carries are marching on with me. The dating journey of others is not the prototype for ours. So put your Manolos on and wear single proudly.
Stevie Bowen is the author of the memoir City of Dating.
