For years, people have used the Buddhist practice of mindfulness to improve their work and performance. But a new book shows us how the practice can make your love life stronger.
What We Need To Learn
In her new book, award-winning Buddhist sex therapist Dr. Cheryl Fraser shares practical ways mindfulness can change your sex life. It turns out, this can be the secret to keeping a long-term relationship fresh and inspired. Her methods help partners rekindle intense feelings of love and lust in everyday life.
Simplify Your Love Life
The best relationships have this in common, according to Fraser: they “share a sense of meaning in their life together.” Maintaining that connection requires a mindful and focused effort. Here are some simple tips from the expert.
- Show the other person you are mindful of them through regular moments of meaningful contact
- Celebrate each day with “rituals of connection” like repeating a familiar gesture or sending thoughtful messages.
- Focus on being great friends as well as lovers.
- Encourage your partner’s goals and dreams.
- Revisit activities that you loved to share: movies, books, sports, or sex.
Try This At Home
“Increasing mindful touch can improve relationships,” writes Fraser, explaining why contact is essential for any relationship. Mindful sexuality is about thoughtful touch, whether in the bedroom or the kitchen. “So touch more, and touch often,” she advises.
Buddhist scholar Jeff Wilson has studied the relationship between mindfulness and sexuality. He recalled how his research surprised some attendees. He wrote:
“Among all my vaguely pornographic slides and details about how Buddhist-derived mindfulness meditation techniques are being used to assist with orgasm and sexual performance anxiety, I tried to make a coherent argument that this represented a natural—if perhaps eyebrow-raising—evolution of Buddhist practice in a culture that values indulgence over renunciation and considers sexuality something to actualize rather than to overcome.”
The Afterglow
Mindfulness doesn’t always involve deep breathing or mystical chants. For Buddhist sex therapy, mindfulness is the awareness of your body and your loved ones. It kindles meaning in our relationships.
You’ll be amazed when you try these simple techniques for being present in your sex life and the life you share with your partner.
Photo by Senghak Lee on Unsplash