Language related to sexuality and gender is always evolving, as our collective understanding of these topics grows and deepens. As a result, it’s understandable that you wouldn’t always know the definitions and nuances of all the words being thrown around in discussions of these topics.
That’s why I wrote my latest book, 200 Words to Help You Talk About Sexuality & Gender. It features definitions of 200 words that are likely to be relevant if you plan on speaking or writing about these topics in any context.
To give you a taste of what you’ll learn from the book, here are some of the definitions it contains for five words that are commonly misunderstood words in the sex and gender lexicon.
Sex: An assortment of physical characteristics, including genitalia, internal reproductive organs, chromosomes and hormone levels, are often said to determine whether a person is female or male. However, biological sex (a physical quality) is distinct from gender (a mental and social identity); in cisgender people, the two match, while in trans and non-binary people, the two are different. Sex isn’t as clear-cut as it’s often assumed to be, since the factors involved in defining it can vary immensely; a cis woman is still a cis woman even if she’s had her uterus surgically removed, for example, and a cis man is still a cis man even if his testosterone levels are low. The concept of sex is further complicated by the existence of intersex conditions such as Klinefelter syndrome and Turner syndrome.
Gender: A social and cultural identity that can impact how a person behaves, speaks, feels, dresses, is perceived by others, and is treated by people and institutions. Doctors usually label the gender of newborn babies according to their visible genitalia, but some people discover as they grow up that their gender differs from their biological sex. Many people’s gender exists somewhere on a spectrum between masculinity and femininity, while some others reject that binary and exist outside it. Many thinkers have argued that gender is an inessential social construct, so we shouldn’t necessarily conform to prescribed gendered strictures but should instead create our own unique gender expressions and identities.
Pronouns: A part of speech that stands in for a noun or noun phrase. In discussions of gender, the term ‘pronouns’ usually means the personal pronouns a person wants others to use when referring to them, such as ‘she/her,’ ‘he/him,’ ‘they/them’ or some combination of these. A person’s pronouns may change as they learn more about their gender identity and/or become more comfortable expressing it publicly. You can’t necessarily tell someone’s pronouns just by looking at them, so many people consider it acceptable to ask ‘What are your pronouns?’ if you’re not sure. It is common in LGBTQ+ communities to introduce yourself using your pronouns (‘My name is Kate and I use she/her pronouns’), and this practice is becoming more widespread as societal awareness of gender issues increases.
Bisexual: Attracted to two or more genders, not necessarily in equal measure or in identical ways. While a common misconception holds that being bisexual means being attracted to men and women only, many bisexuals are also attracted to people outside that binary. Current science estimates that 2-3 per cent of the population identifies as bisexual. Bisexuals face unique problems not usually experienced by gay and lesbian people, such as having their sexuality erased or being told to ‘pick a side.’ Bisexual women are also often sexually objectified or assumed to really be straight, while bisexual men are highly stigmatized and often assumed to really be gay. As a result of these misconceptions and microaggressions, studies tend to find that bisexuals have overall worse mental health than gay and lesbian people.
Asexual: Asexual people, who are thought to make up at least one percent of the population, experience little or no sexual attraction. They may still have sex, masturbate, participate in kink and/or pursue romantic relationships, but without the element of sexual attraction. Although it has been frequently stigmatized and pathologized, asexuality is more or less accepted now among experts as a valid sexual orientation like any other, and many include it under the LGBTQ+ umbrella. That said, there is still not nearly enough mainstream awareness or acceptance of asexuality, in part owing to its scant representation in the media.
Now that you know these terms, you’re more equipped to talk about these issues next time they come up in conversation. Check out the book to learn even more sexuality and gender terms!