Ahead of the February 11 Residence 11 Desire Summit on Sex and Relationships (get tickets here!), we’re conducting a series of livestream interviews with Summit speakers. You can watch them live or after the fact on our YouTube channel, Facebook page or Twitter account, and ask questions for our interviewees.
Watch our interview below with Residence 11 Editor-in-Chief Rachel Kramer Bussel and Nicoletta Heidegger, where they discuss navigating a mismatched desire in couples. Nicoletta also shares her early experiences with sex education that she was taught and how she sought out more information, her experience with normalizing sex-positive education within her professional life, and how the title of her hit podcast Sluts and Scholars was inspired. Nicoletta Heidegger is one of the many talented speakers at the upcoming Residents 11 Desire Summit, where she will be speaking on the topic of navigating mismatched sexual desire in couples topic along with Yana Tallon-Hicks, LMFT.
Nicoletta Heidegger is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in the Los Angeles area. Heidegger received her BA in Psychology from Stanford University, her MA in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University, and her Masters of Education in Human Sexuality from Widener University.
Be sure to check out Nicoletta’s hit podcast Sluts and Scholars: a sex positive, shame-free educational podcast where she tries to help keep your sex smart and your smarts sexier.
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On being a professional who incorporates sex positivity into her career:
“You know, in my field, when I was getting my hours to become licensed, and still now in the mental health field there, a lot of people don’t get any human sexuality training, maybe one class and it’s pretty broad and vague.
I was definitely getting some pushback from professors, from supervisors, from people I was working with, about the fact that I was so open about sex stuff. And I would often be called on as the expert, because even professors and supervisors hadn’t had that training. I think we should be able to talk openly about this stuff. I should be able to be someone who enjoys sex and pleasure and is also a professional, with boundaries, as well.
I knew I wanted to start a podcast because I wanted to be able to reach a wider audience where folks didn’t have to pay and could get information. [It was also] a great way for me to kind of meet other people in the field and learn and have conversations that I myself wanted to have.”
On the most popular topics discussed on her Sluts and Scholars podcast:
“I would say probably the most popular topics are around kink and BDSM and non-monogamy. I think people are very curious about different ways that that exists and how it can look like and just different ways that you can be in a relationship and can connect with other people.
A few of my other most popular episodes is Becoming Cliterate with Dr. Laurie Mintz, which is all about the clitoris and anatomy and pleasure for people who have vulvas and vaginas. Very important.”
On how mismatched desire can show up for people in relationships:
“It could be about the amount of sex that someone wants to have, like the number of times a week or the type of sex, or what time you have sex. Most people, most partnerships, do have mismatched desires because they’re simply not the same person. Our sexual desire patterns are so unique.
I could probably count on one hand, if at all, people in partnerships who I’ve met, that are fully aligned; it’s very rare for that to really exist. It usually requires effort and really learning yourself.”
Watch the whole interview above and be sure to subscribe to our channels to catch all our interviews!
About the Desire Summit: The Residence 11 Desire Summit, sponsored by sex toy companies FUN FACTORY and Blush, intimate audio platform BLOOM, romance novel publisher Avon Books, and yoga teacher training company Ganja Yoga, will feature extensive educational sessions with over 20 diverse authors and subject matter experts across psychology, physical intimacy, technology innovation, sexual health, music and narrative storytelling. Speakers include writer Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah, author of The Sex Lives of African Women, polyamory expert Kevin Patterson, author of Love’s Not Color Blind, sex educator and dating expert Erin Tillman, USA Today and Wall Street Journal bestselling romance author and TikTok favorite Sierra Simone (Priest, American Queen), Mia Hopkins (author of Tanked, one of The New York Times’ best 2022 romances, romance novelist Suzanne Park (The Do Over, The Christmas Clash), and Taylor Hahn, author of swinging novel The Lifestyle, among others. Keynote speakers will be intimacy coach Zoë Kors, author of Radical Intimacy: Cultivate the Deeply Connected Relationships You Desire and Deserve, speaking on 6 Questions That Will Get You Instantly Connected to Anyone, and sex educator Dirty Lola, who appeared as a sexpert on Netflix’s The Principles of Pleasure, speaking on The State of Modern Dating. Get tickets here for the Desire Summit.