The first time I told someone I write romance they laughed at me. I was unemployed and divided my time while I waited for my husband to get home from work between fruitlessly searching and applying for jobs, reading romance novels, and writing a romance novel. I’d told my husband and best friend that I’d started writing a book, but it wasn’t until I’d run into an office mate from grad school at a local tea shop that I told anyone else. And he laughed. And said, “I’m sorry.” At the time I was too nervous, embarrassed, ashamed to say anything back. I didn’t have the confidence that I do now. I demurred some platitude and continued with my day, but I still think back on that moment a decade ago and wish I’d had the guts to say something different. I’ve played out so many different scenarios in mind: verbal smackdowns and silent stare downs or a casual but proud “I’m not” in response. But mostly, I wish I’d had the confidence to articulate to him why I love romance. Why when I was at my lowest, when I’ve fallen even lower, romance has pulled me up. If I could go back in time, I’d tell him all the reasons I love romance…and then I’d probably tell to f*ck off.
I love romance because it is an opportunity to celebrate the breadth of human sexual experience and human intimacy. Whether page-burning sex scenes happen on page or canonically the characters never have sex, it is intimacy, the connections forged between people who love each other that keeps me and so many others coming back to the romance genre, again and again.
I love romance because it showed me who I am. Romance books and the romance community gave me a safe space to learn more about myself when I thought I might not be as straight as I thought I was. Romance was the place I turned to when I was scared about what that meant. It was the place that showed me all the kaleidoscope of ways we get to be queer. Romance shows us that everyone, absolutely everyone, is deserving of love. It’s a place where people who have historically not been allowed to be represented, get to show the world what their version of love gets to look like.
I love romance because it heals me. When the world feels terrifying and out of control, romance is comfort and safety. When I feel like I am not good enough, for love, for good things, for this life, romance reminds me that we all get a happy ending and romance writers remind me that we are all deserving of one. No matter the type of heartbreak you might be experiencing, romance has a happy ending for that. The world needs all of the love it can get, and romance is a wellspring.
With a book published and one on the way, I am far more confident now when I speak about romance and why I love it. It would be easy to be resentful of that man, who chose to look down on me for genre of choice all those years ago but mostly, I feel bad for him. He was not willing to open himself to all the beautiful things romance can give us. What a pity. But he can still f*ck off.
Ruby Barrett’s latest romance novel, The Romance Recipe, is available from Amazon and Bookshop.