Are platonic relationships always as simple as they seem? Not necessarily. While generally, “platonic” means a friendship rather than a romantic relationship, the demarcation between these two relationship types can shift and change over time.
According to the mental health platform BetterHelp, “An important distinction among different types of love is that of romantic love vs. platonic friendship love. Romantic love is the feeling you would have for a partner or spouse. While they may not necessarily be sexual, they are usually characterized by a physical intimacy that is not typically present in other types of love. Platonic love does not involve sexual feelings.”
Unlike a situationship, which is a romantic relationship where there’s a murky, blurry boundary around how serious it is, a platonic relationship isn’t a romantic one. However, just as there can be confusion in a situationship, where one person may think they’re in a more serious relationship than the other, in a platonic relationship, there may be uncertainty around just how firmly the lines are drawn between platonic and romantic feelings.
After all, we’re talking about human emotions, not boundary lines between properties that can be measured and calculated precisely. There’s no ruler or yardstick to measure feelings or to help guide someone in a platonic relationship who wonders whether there’s the potential for more or, for instance, isn’t sure whether they have a girl crush or a crush. Especially when two people spend a large amount of time together, or are in the early throes of a friendship or platonic relationship, they might be experiencing new relationship energy
While new relationship energy usually refers to romantic and/or sexual relationships, the concept of there being a rush of energy between people as they get to know each other and bond can also apply to platonic relationships.
The bottom line is that only you and your friend can truly determine what level of love and affection you share. Not all platonic relationships are the same; you may have friends who have hours-long talks and go on vacations with, and others who you love to hang out with but only in small doses. Platonic relationships don’t tend to follow the same relationship patterns as romantic relationships, and there may not be as clear rituals around when a platonic friendship fades out or dissolves completely.
Life circumstances such as marriage, divorce, raising children, illness, jobs, hobbies, etc., may get in the way of platonic relationships. Our culture often encourages us to “work on” our romantic relationships but doesn’t do the same for platonic relationships. The truth is, friendships also require maintenance. If one person is doing all the emotional heavy lifting, the platonic feelings may start to fade away or turn into resentment.
Platonic relationships are an important part of many people’s lives, whether they have one best friend, multiple “best” friends, or a vast network of friends they can call on for various kinds of support and camaraderie. Queerplatonic relationships are a subset of platonic relationships that can make this distinction even more complex.