There are many different polyamory styles that people can practice, depending on the type of relationship structure you and your partner(s) desire. One of these structures is parallel polyamory, in which relationships run in parallel, meaning they don’t intersect. Unlike in kitchen table polyamory, where all members of a polycule feel comfortable sitting down at a table together, parallel polyamory doesn’t require all participants to meet.
In parallel polyamory, your metamours (your partner’s partners) won’t have a deep relationship with you or any of your partners. As blogger Poly with a Big Heart puts it, “Parallel polyamory can look like anything from: ‘we can be in the same room, we just don’t care to interact outside of a polite ‘‘hello’’ to: ‘I don’t want to know anything about your time with so-and-so because I just can’t stand them and I never want to see them.'”
Essentially, parallel polyamory means that if you have multiple relationships or multiple romantic or sexual partners, those partners won’t be involved in each others’ lives. They may know about what kind of arrangement you have with your other partner or partners, and be aware of each other’s existence, but the relationships aren’t comingled and they won’t necessarily be privy to details about your other relationships. The relationships run on parallel tracks.
Parallel polyamory may happen by circumstance, where relationships happen to be kept separate, or may be deliberate, in what’s known as intentional parallel polyamory. According to Poly.Land, “in intentional parallel polyamory, relationships are kept separate on purpose, usually because one or more members of the web are uncomfortable with the existence of other partners and/or with polyamory in general.”
There are also other reasons why people might prefer parallel polyamory. They may simply want to have distinct, private relationships with multiple people. As Reddit user karmicreditplan wrote in response to a person asking about parallel styles of polyamory, “I trend heavily parallel. No secrets, no obfuscation but just mild to minimal contact. No one ever gets to make rules or ‘boundaries’ for anyone else ever. ”
How can you know if parallel polyamory is right for you? This is a tough question to answer in the abstract. So much of figuring out which polyamory style is right for you will depend on your personal preferences as well as those of the other parties involved. If you have two partners and they both want to get to know each other, while you prefer parallel polyamory, that’s something the three of you will have to discuss and work out.
More dating, relationship and polyamory terms to know: