YouTuber J, whose channel Boldly Grow: Design Your Own Relationships offers wide-ranging advice about various aspects of intimacy, has some powerful advice for those considering exploring polyamory and ethical non-monogamy. If you’ve been curious about open relationships but don’t want to dive in too soon, the questions J encourages you to ask include why you want to be polyamorous, especially so that you can make sure you’re aware of what that change entails.
As J says in the video, “Sometimes you can think that what you want is polyamory when you actually want something else. If what you actually want is a found family of adults living together that doesn’t actually require you to be polyamorous. You could have that and be monogamous with someone and just live with friends; that’s something that some people choose to do.”
J also encourages viewers to think about how they will deal with potential metamours (partners of your partner), rather than simply having a pie-in-the-sky view about sleeping with multiple people. Considering the reality of how a polyamorous relationship will play out regarding the context of your own personality, schedule, desires and relationship needs is important, especially if you’ve never been involved with polyamory before.
Watch J’s video to learn more about some important things to consider, whether you’re thinking of making a change from a monogamous relationship and turning it into a polyamorous one, or whether you’re single and looking to explore open relationships in any number of ways. While polyamory is a great fit for many people, it’s not something to be taken lightly or to go along with simply because a partner wants you to or other people you know are doing it. Polyamory has many permutations and may or may not be the right relationship choice depending on what you’re looking for and your own specific, individual needs when it comes to love and dating.