From Getting to Good Riddance: A No Bullsh*t Breakup Survival Guide by Jodie Eckleberry-Hunt, Ph.D., A.B.P.P.
Of all the types of pain I’ve seen in the therapy room, it seems that nothing is quite as paralytic as an unwanted breakup. Coping with a death is also incredibly traumatic, but here’s the difference: when someone dies, they aren’t choosing to reject or leave you (unless we are talking about suicide, which is entirely different altogether). When someone breaks up with you, it is very much like a death (the death of the relationship), but the other person is still living. The other person is choosing to live life without you. In death, there is separation, but you may be comforted in telling yourself the other person isn’t choosing to be apart from you. Or they’re still with you, just on another plane.
Do you see the difference?
I think the reason breakups hurt even more than the death of a loved one is the knowledge that the other person does not want to be with you anymore. That thought and the associated feelings are killer personal.
Relationships are all about attachment. Attachment is that invisible emotional bond we develop with others that ties us to them. It isn’t necessarily conscious, but it forms over time as we invest of ourselves into relationships. When we form an emotional bond, it is like we join with another person at the heart. When the bond is broken, it is like we are being ripped apart—which is especially painful when we are not doing the ripping—even more so when we aren’t expecting it. There is a massive wound that we feel unable to bind. It seems like daily life just keeps breaking the wound open again. It can feel impossible to heal.
This is why I wrote this book. For years, I’ve listened to breakup stories; and while there are many different themes, the emotional experiences are similar. People want to understand. They want the pain to go away. Sometimes they want me to help them get the relationship back. It is all an attempt to feel better.
If this is you, know you are not alone—not by a long shot.
I want you to know that this book is not about fixing the relationship or getting it back. It’s about healing from a breakup. It is about understanding what in the fresh hell just happened, what it means, and how to feel better. This book is about grieving and moving on in a seriously motivational way—a kick-ass, smash-the-s**t-out-of-the-pain, moving-on kind of way.
Getting to Good Riddance: A No Bullsh*t Breakup Survival Guide is available from Amazon and Bookshop.