SEXUAL EMPOWERMENT
Sometime in August, my friend confided in me about her relationship. It was the kind of girl-talk that resulted in rhetorical questions. Who was I to dish out relationship advice? More than anyone, she knew the answers to her questions, yet I couldn’t ignore one of her most important inquiries.
‘’Why can’t he bring me to orgasm? I can do it myself, but why not him?” She went on to explain how having sex with her partner felt like having a good dream, then waking up amidst the most interesting part. She wasn’t the only woman who felt like this.
The gender orgasm gap has a lot to do with orgasm inequality, however, cultural and societal ignorance of the anatomy of the clitoris is also a major cause. Several major myths and misconceptions about women’s orgasms have persisted over the years. Unfortunately, it seems like many more myths are being made up these days and have yet to be fully debunked, ranging from false ideas about the hymen anatomy to the reality clitoral anatomy. It’s like no one gets us, women. And what about the media? Pornography does everything but teach people how to stimulate the body of a woman into climax.
This has resulted in a series of male advantages around sex that leave women’s desires behind. All of this has led the masses to think less of how important orgasm equality is; even I at some point believed my body’s primary purpose during sex was to aide male climax, forgetting myself and my needs. Thanks to this medium, I’m able to tell women that society has been wrong all along. Your sexual empowerment matters, and here’s what you can do about strengthening not only your sexual life but your orgasm journey as well.
When someone mentions “sexual empowerment,” two things come to my mind: sexual rights and self-validation. Women’s sexual empowerment is just as important as any other kind of empowerment. I understand how bad it feels for my pleasure to be looked down on simply because of my gender identity. But we don’t have to keep accepting the sexual status quo; this is where breaking the barrier comes into the picture.
PREPARATION
I have always believed that no one knows your body better than you do. You can tap into your sexual self in various ways, such as by exploring your body or just relishing memories of having your erogenous areas touched properly. There is a monotonous idea of women being able to orgasm through penetrative sex only; this myth has brought more harm than good to women. It has made women believe that if they find it impossible to orgasm from intercourse, there’s nothing they can do. False. Of course, some women orgasm from penetrative sex, but many other women who don’t climax from this sex act forget clitoral stimulation is a fast and easy way to reach climax. In order to do so, they can identify the position of the clitoris and engage in oral sex or use clean fingers to gently touch the area. It’s not just about clitoral stimulation and penetrative sex, however; the female orgasm is so diverse that there is a variety of ways to achieve it. Some women can come from nipple play or even foot play. All women are different, so how you reach orgasm won’t necessarily be th same as how another woman will.
A lot of women can orgasm on their own simply because they’re familiar with their bodies. To receive similar pleasure from a partner, women can’t assume they’re mind readers who intuitively know what to do in bed; communication is needed to ensure orgasm equality.
COMMUNICATION
Communicating during sex and having conversations about sexual desires with one’s partner are under-appreciated. Most times, it’s not just about the talking; there’s something deeper going on when you talk—really talk—about sex without holding anything back. Understanding each other, feeling comfortable enough to discuss your deepest, most personal feelings, and being able to connect deeply are all things to be thankful for.
It may not be easy, but it is highly recommended to take your sexual life and orgasm journey to the next level. By communicating your erogenous areas, orgasmic spots, and terms of pleasure to your partner, you become sexually empowered. That empowerment offers freedom and satisfaction from being able to claim how valid your pleasure is and how seriously it should be taken. Not only that, it also lets your partner see a side of you they may never see otherwise. It lets them get to know your most intimate self, and assures them that they now hold the keys to make you feel incredible. To me, communication is extremely powerful and can’t be discounted when discussion how women can have better orgasms—or any at all.
As women, it’s natural to not know how to go about this, so I’ve compiled some conversation starters to aid you in taking this sex conversation step. Firstly, it’s good to understand that a range of reactions is normal; you shouldn’t take them too personally except it’s extreme.
You can start by explaining how you enjoy having sex with them, then explain how comfortable it feels to be in their presence. Watch closely for their reaction; if they seem enthusiastic then it’s a go-ahead. Speaking in a joking yet serious manner is usually less awkward for everyone. Talk about the practice of faking orgasm and how you don’t feel good about it, then look them in the eye and ask them if they’re willing to explore with you. Their reaction should be short and simple, followed by a couple of positive words, such as “I’d love to explore with you.” That’s your cue to tell him more about your body and what might bring you to orgasm. Of course, if the meeting ends with a series of disgusted faces and “ew, no,” then there’s no need to ignore the red flags anymore.
I hope you found this exploration of how to have orgasm equality interesting, whether you’re someone who’s struggled with orgasm or perhaps has a partner in that situation.