You may have seen the word “throuple” but not be sure what it means. It’s simple: a throuple is a relationship with three people (whereas a couple involves two people). Officially, Macmillan Dictionary defines throuple as “a long-term sexual relationship between three people, or the people involved.” However, not everyone in a three-way relationship necessarily calls themself part of a “throuple.” The term is one people may self-identify with or may use another term. People in a throuple may be exclusive among themselves, or they may have an open three-way relationship where they are allowed to date or sleep with other people. The rules a throuple creates as part of their polyamory style can vary depending on their desires and needs.
A throuple is different from a threesome because the former is a relationship while the latter is a sex act. The word “triad” is also sometimes used to mean the same thing as a throuple, the key being that three people are involved. But just knowing the definition of throuple doesn’t mean that you’re necessarily ready to be part of one. Successful throuples tend to involve a lot of communication and checking in, and knowing that each partner’s needs may change over time. Just as with couples, you can’t make assumptions about what will make each partner happy.
The term “throuple” can encompass a range of polyamorous relationship styles, but often means that all three people are involved with each other, though there may be pair bonds within the throuple. Being part of a throuple doesn’t necessarily mean all three people do everything together, share the same interestes, or always have sex as a trio. At Autostraddle, Raid wrote about some potential throuple pitfalls, and how desire within a triad may play out differently, even though Raid loved both partners.
“But my love for one was nothing like my love for the other. My bond with the man was based on mutual interests, a clicking sense of humour, a shared love of Film Noir. With her, it was about intense physical attraction, feminine softness, the intoxicating sensation of showing her what it was like to be with the same sex.”
In other words, beyond the fact that three people are involved, throuples can encounter the same ups and downs as couples, only multiplied, because there’s one more person’s feelings and goals to consider. Those considering getting involved in a throuple relationship should be prepared to encounter situations they haven’t before, no matter your dating history. By its nature, a throuple has more interpersonal dynamics going on, between all three people, between person A and person B, person A and person C, and person B and person C.
Throuples can form in a variety of ways: three individuals who meet and fall in love, a couple who seeks out a third person, or a single person who is looking for two other people, among other ways. Men’s Health interviewed John Smith (an alias) about being part of a throuple for eight years. His started out when he and his wife, both swingers, came across the profile of a bisexual man who was looking for a married couple. From there, he said, “After a couple months of hooking up and hanging out, both my wife and I started to develop feelings for him, eventually falling in love. We didn’t plan on being in a throuple, and at first didn’t know that what we were doing was even a thing.”
If you’re part of a throuple or considering changing your relationship from a couple to encompass one more person, you will likely want a support system. This could be people within the polyamorous community, friends in a similar situation, or a therapist specializing in polyamory.
More polyamory terms to know: