We already know that throuples are increasingly popular (and there’s even a dating site specifically for throuples), but how do these polyamorous three-way relationships play out in real life? How do throuples meet, let alone start dating, living together and, in some cases make plans for getting married and having kids?
A Brazilian throuple met after two of the pair, yoga instructor Ludmila Oliveria Batista and Kung Fu and Tai Chi teacher Washington Bezerra, began dating after Mudmila took one of Washington’s classes. When they met Aline Roberta Bencke Candatten Bezerra, they decided to see if a date between the three of them could work out. It didn’t initially, but Aline and Washington started dating on their own and then reconnected with Ludmila two years later. They’ve been together since November 2020; they live together and jointly parent Washington’s children, while planning to get married and have a baby as a throuple.
Aline is open with her family about being part of a triad relationship, and told News 24, “Polyamory is just a way to love – even if you are not in a polyamorous or open relationship, you may fall in love with more than one person.”
Washington said that when it comes to having multiple people to love, our culture is skittish about the concept, telling News 24:
“Polyamory is common in human beings, and in all relationships except romance, we are polyamorous, for example with friends, siblings and relatives. People consider romantic polyamory to be different and have difficulty accepting that you can love more than one person at the same time. It’s just like any other relationship, but with three people in it.”
Writer Ali Wunderman met the man who would become part of a throuple with her long-term partner, Michael, on Reddit, of all places. Her soon-to-be lover, Hákon, helped her plan a trip to his country, Iceland and soon they were sharing “out-of-this-world sexual chemistry and emotional connection” virtually via Sype. She detailed her throuple journey for Cosmopolitan, writing that she and Michael had been polyamorous for man of the nine years they’d been together. So when she told Michael about her new sexual feelings, he “immediately understood that what was growing between me and Hákon transcended the casual flings of the past.”
In Wunderman’s case, their throuple, which only involved a sexual relationship between her and her two partners, and a friendship between the two men, worked well given their varying schedules.
The long-distance component made it easy to balance everyone’s needs: Iceland was eight hours ahead, and Hákon was usually asleep by the time I came home from work. I could talk to both of them all day, give my nights to Michael, and on the weekends Hákon would stay up late so we could all be together.
While their throuple didn’t last, Wunderman wrote that “The time the three of us spent together expanded my capacity for love, increased the amount of support in my life, and, yes, featured a record number of super-hot threesomes.” Not only that, but while this was Hákon’s first experience with polyamory, he found that being part of a triad “made him realize the lifestyle does in fact suit him.”
Sometimes throuples form after a single person and a couple meet and decide that they would work well together in a three-way partnership. That’s what happened for Edward Ribbons, who wrote about his loving throuple in Newsweek. He met couple Carlos and Hernán, who were in an open relationship, via an app, and as the trio realized their mutual attraction, the couple expanded into a throuple that’s now three years strong.
Sex isn’t something we discuss at length. We do have sex just in twos sometimes, but more often it’s all three of us and there are no real rules on when or how it happens. If there is jealousy, it’s more commonly about people outside the relationship rather than within it. We have been in an open relationship since we got together; we all have the option to have sex outside of the relationship.
Have you ever been in or considered being part of a throuple? Let us know at editorial@residence11.com