Ethical non-monogamy may have only entered the cultural lexicon in recent years, but the concept itself is as old as human relationships. Thinking and talking about these kinds of relationships has fluctuated over the years.
One of the first major figures to talk up free love in American society was Emma Goldman.
Thinking Ahead of Her Time
Goldman toured the United States beginning in the early 1900s touting her ideals of pacifism and proliferated birth control. She viewed the institution of marriage as an “insurance pact.”
She believed in free love, but that didn’t stop her for falling for one partner. The man was a doctor who treated patients society overlooked. He lived his life traveling by boxcar and practicing the doctrine of non-monogamy.
Things Get Complicated
Even though Goldman and her lover had an agreement that allowed them to pursue sexual partners at free well, that didn’t stop the situation from getting complicated. Goldman became upset when she learned of his encounters.
Nona Willia Aronowitz, a writer at Elle, has had similar experiences in her own life. She writes:
“Even if you have no interest in non-monogamy, you may know the inner conflict of adopting a superchill dating philosophy (“nothing serious!”) while secretly desiring a partner who’s itching to wife you up. Is there any woman resolved to master the art of casual sex who hasn’t, at some point, become so obsessed with a hookup that it’s impossible to focus on work? Perhaps, but I’m not one of them. And neither was Emma Goldman.”
It’s Okay to Be Human
Just because you’re approaching love in a way that diverges from what has often been an arrangement imposed by societal mores, that doesn’t mean natural human emotions like jealousy aren’t going to arise. As in any relationship, transparency, trust, and open communication are key to mitigating harm and keeping all partners happy.
Have you experienced jealousy in a non-monogamous relationship? We want to hear about your experiences in the comments!
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